Weight

What an ugly word. No one is ever satisfied, no one is ever content. It is a constant struggle.

But oddly, it is making me feel as if I am getting a bit of control back.

So this diet, has led me to think about my weight issues.

1-19: Under weight. At one point, 5 ft 7 in I weighed 115 pounds, my then doctor accused me of being annorexic. My mother quickly said "Her, she eats more than her father."

19-25: Grew two more inches for my now height of 5 ft 9 in. And got mono. Yes that lovely ailment that literally kicked my a$$ for about six months and changed my metabolism. In six months of illness, I gained 30 pounds. It does make sense, since all I did was eat and sleep. A little studying was thrown in (my Freshmen year).

Yup, loads of fun. My mom, God love her, told me I was fat. (Thanks Mom, if you compare anyone to your nieces, they would be considered fat. Considering they are aneroxic and between 2 to 9 inches shorter than me.) After watching my food consumption, I went down to 135 for several years.

26-28: Met T. Gained 10 pounds. 145. Actually, at what 5 ft 9 in is suppose to be at.

28: I get off the pill, start this journey of trying to conceive. Gain 5 pounds. I'm up to 150.

29-30: Gain 5 pounds, I'm up to 155. Struggle to loose those five pounds every few months. Fluctuate between 150 and 155.

31: At June 1st, I weighed 150, by the end of July and two crazy cycles, I gained 7 pounds.

Yup, that is what did it. Those additional seven pounds about put me over the edge. I've been wearing the same few pants for the last several weeks. Actually, getting very sick of them.

I found that no matter how healthy I was eating, I was gaining weight. It is extremely frustrating, because the only thing I can blame it on are the medications. So out of my control. UGH. I guess this cancelling is a blessing in disguise. Because my total and absolute disgust with my body has led me to this diet.

So this diet. It is actually healthy, which I usually eat that way too. It only brings to my attention portion size. (And this is where I have found I was going terribly wrong.) It also promotes a balance of protein, carbs, and fat. It is suppose to help with hormone and insulin levels. It may become a permanent life style change. With all of that in mind, I feel like it may actually do what I need it to do.

Help me loose weight, and maintain it while I am on a crazy cycle. (Oh yeah, where is my ovulation or period. I HAVE NO IDEA. Need to call the doctor.)

In addition, I've walked Monday, Tuesday, and today. Went to yoga yesterday. So far, I've lost 4 pounds. Very excited! Now only if my stomach could shrink so that I won't be HUNGRY all of the time. :).

New mission.

My latest thought is that I want to incur some revenge on this crappy body of mine. So I am going on a diet. I've never done this before. Yes, I've controlled my food intake before. But, I've never purchased materials on a diet, read it, planned to follow it, signed up for information and followed a "plan."

After talking to a friend, I've decided to take her lead and use "The Z*ne." It actually looks very healthy, and somewhat possible to follow. Ironically, I think I will be eating more than I do now. Just differently. So one step at a time.

In addition, to the diet, I'll be walking at lunch two to three times a week. Yoga one to two times a week. And we will see what happens from there. I'd like to start doing more, just not sure what that is at this point.

I just know myself. I've never liked exercise - except for yoga. But, I've also never felt so utterly disgusted with myself. You know there is a problem when your "fat" pants are tight.

So a new mission...maybe it will be a good way to start liking my body again. Hmmm....I'll just be happy fitting into my bridesmaid dress. October is fast approaching.