I work to live.

Over a decade ago, I made that decision - that I wanted a life, not a career that took over my life. I made the decision not to go to law school, because I know that I can't do anything half way. And that if I had gone to law school, I would be married to my job.

Instead, I pursued my paralegal certificate and decided that it gave me a good balance. But, don't get me wrong, I take pride in my work. I do my best always and take criticism personally, because I strive to be the best. As a result, I was given a reward for being an "exceptional" employee last year.

For the most part, I've been very happy with my position. I always was made to feel like a valued member of the team. My direct report and many others noticed my work ethic and the quality of my work, and always made me feel valued and respected. My position, would not work for most people. It is varied and in law that is very unusual. I work in this position, because it keeps me always busy and never bored. The topics are interesting to me and therefore I am willing to work through my ignorance of topics. But, I am far from an expert in all the areas of law I tackle on a daily basis. My training is in U*S* immigration. But, I am asked to focus on company formations, international corporate law, U*S* corporate law, outbound/inbound immigration, employment matters, etc. And that etc. means about anything and everything.

Since working under the new managment, I cannot say that I feel respected, a member of the team, or valued. For the last three months, the new GC only measures my value with my weakest area of expertise. I am sick of being berrated and humiliated. She talks to me so disrespectfully, in front of people, that I am brought to tears right now as I type these words. She holds me responsible for something that was started with the formation of the company 26 years ago. Something that I inherited, and that previous managements never made important until now! She conveniently ignores everything that I do right and makes me feel as if my termination is around the corner at all times.

On Thursday, we had a one on one meeting. She said,"I want to open the lines of communication with you." I said, "I ask a lot of questions, and very often you do not want to hear them. Instead, you act as if I am being insubordinate. But, if I don't ask, I won't get it the way you want it to be." She said, "I will try to be more patient." The very next day. In a department meeting, I was sharing information with her. I had acted on a past practice, and was being told that the new practice was to be the complete opposite. I was communicating what I thought was important and needed to be shared. Instead of being patient, and listening to me. She turns to the new attorney and says, "You deal with her."

To say the least, it left me feeling disrespected and unappreciated. Especially when my average work day is 10 to 12 hours long without breaks (except for the bathroom and heating up food). Commuting for 2 hours a day. I've been working every weekend, in order to get everything she expects completed and answering her emergency emails.

Yet, I am frightened to look for a new position. This economy terrifies me. While, T and I would be OK for a little while. I don't like to think what it would be like if I didn't have a job.

But, after days like I've been having, all I want to do is quit and tell her where she can go.

Ok, nothing more I want to say on this topic. Maybe tomorrow I'll post about some of the books I've been reading/listening to. (The commute is good for something.)

492

Well, that is an overwhelming number, when you see it as your Google Reader count. But, that is my life at the moment. No time to do anything but work.

The other day, while driving to work, I thought to myself how ironic that I've shared so much of myself on this blog about my hoo-ha-ha, but nothing about what I do from 8 to 14 hours, Monday thru Friday (and sometimes Saturday and Sunday). And it is a bit ironic. Considering I felt a need to share information on daily draws and nothing about what I do, except for my title.

So, I think I need to share a bit. I am a paralegal, and have been one for about 8 years. My first years, I worked as an US immigration paralegal. I love it, but immigration is very personal to the client, so it is also very draining emotionally.

About four years ago, I went to work "in-house" for a international corporation. Along with immigration (US and worldwide now), I was focusing on employment and corporate. And I am the only person that does what I do in a rather large company. At the beginning, I was overwhelmed because of the knowledge I didn't have. But, I quickly learned what I didn't know and went from there. Three years went by quickly and leaving me feeling respected, in an environment that wasn't glamorous but comfortable and peaceful.

Then the acquisition happened, and all hell broke loose. My hours became chaotic. I was told it should get better. But, the reality is, it hasn't. Yesterday, I got to work at 6:30 am and didn't leave until 7:15 pm. I didn't eat lunch, and only got up to go to the bathroom. At the end of the day, I didn't get to some basic work and have over 400 pages to read this weekend for new matters that I am now helping with.

My new supervisor asked me how I was doing. And I flat out told her I am overwhelmed. She asked if it was the content. I told her it is the volumn. Believe me when I say, she said all the right things. But, I don't think I can physically and mentally keep up this pace.

T tells me that my previous position was not reality and this is real life. But, if this is real life, than I need to get paid more. Because I can work these hours for a law firm and make more money. But, that was before this economy.

I am afraid to make a move. One, at the end of the day, I truly enjoy my job and two, in this economy -- last one hired, first one fired.

Any assvice out there?

If you were wondering....

This comic explains it all.