In the technique I use, I have to visualize a place that I love. Welcome to my visual, in the next few days, I’ll need this photo help me remember a more relaxed time prior to all of the craziness of infertility, 2ww, and all other roller-coasters.
Showing posts with label relaxation. Show all posts
Showing posts with label relaxation. Show all posts
Tuesday, February 06, 2007
Relaxation Visual
In the technique I use, I have to visualize a place that I love. Welcome to my visual, in the next few days, I’ll need this photo help me remember a more relaxed time prior to all of the craziness of infertility, 2ww, and all other roller-coasters.
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
Relaxation
We’ve all heard it. “Just Relax.” Most of the time, those words can bring me to a screaming banshee state. However, with my new year’s resolution of finding peace, I’ve been forced to face relaxation which seems to go hand and hand. (Also, it does seem beneficial to do everything possible to increase our chances, and sometime the mass public is right.)
As I’ve grown to know myself, I know that relaxation does not come naturally. I must work on it!
Amazingly, after several months of doing something about it, I’m actually starting to feel relaxed! Imagine that me, a high strung person, can really relax. So much so that I can feel myself calming and being more in the present instead of waiting for what is next. You may be asking how?
Well it started with the therapist. I only go once a month now. As she put it, “Nothing is wrong with you. It is unfortunate that just because you can’t have a baby “naturally” you are forced to explain your want for a child. When, if you could just get pregnant like the majority of people by getting drunk, they would be asking why not? No wonder you need to get some things off your chest.” Now, those are words of a wise woman.
It was reinforced with the relaxation technique she taught me in November. It is a combination of imagery, concentration of breathing, and flexing-release movements. (She also suggested Self-Nurture by Ali Domar; the only reason that I know it is a combination of anything.) Originally directed to do it twice a day, I’ve only been able to do it once a day. The hope is to trigger a Pavlove’s Dog response. Think relaxation and be relaxed. Doesn’t that sound nice?
Lastly, I’ve thrown yoga into the mix. I love it. Could it be the early stages of an infatuation, but it could also be the long everlasting for real kind of love. It puts me in a “zen” place. As an added bonus it helps with my back pain!
So, it may not be how most people do it, but it works for me. Here is hoping it helps with the other thing too. Fingers crossed.
As I’ve grown to know myself, I know that relaxation does not come naturally. I must work on it!
Amazingly, after several months of doing something about it, I’m actually starting to feel relaxed! Imagine that me, a high strung person, can really relax. So much so that I can feel myself calming and being more in the present instead of waiting for what is next. You may be asking how?
Well it started with the therapist. I only go once a month now. As she put it, “Nothing is wrong with you. It is unfortunate that just because you can’t have a baby “naturally” you are forced to explain your want for a child. When, if you could just get pregnant like the majority of people by getting drunk, they would be asking why not? No wonder you need to get some things off your chest.” Now, those are words of a wise woman.
It was reinforced with the relaxation technique she taught me in November. It is a combination of imagery, concentration of breathing, and flexing-release movements. (She also suggested Self-Nurture by Ali Domar; the only reason that I know it is a combination of anything.) Originally directed to do it twice a day, I’ve only been able to do it once a day. The hope is to trigger a Pavlove’s Dog response. Think relaxation and be relaxed. Doesn’t that sound nice?
Lastly, I’ve thrown yoga into the mix. I love it. Could it be the early stages of an infatuation, but it could also be the long everlasting for real kind of love. It puts me in a “zen” place. As an added bonus it helps with my back pain!
So, it may not be how most people do it, but it works for me. Here is hoping it helps with the other thing too. Fingers crossed.
Thursday, November 30, 2006
Trials and Tribulations
I apologize for being so inconsistent with my blog. And if any one is still reading, this entry will not be light or fluffy.
Snippets of the last few months to explain my current feelings:
1. The Newport wedding was fine. Until, I find out from a third party that the bride is 11 weeks along. As I try to talk myself into being OK. I am approached by my husband's cousin who experienced male factor, and I start to cry. (Usually I am very happy when people tell me that they are experiencing, however with this couple the more I find out, the less I understand why they have been blessed.)
2. I saw the therapist and start to feel fine about things. It simply helped to chat about it with a real life person about infertility, who has gone thru it. She made me feel better. Not sure how. She taught me relaxation technique, more on that later.
3. Tuesday before Thanksgiving I talk to my cousin for about an hour. She is the only cousin that I have spoken to about infertility. Also, in those same conversations, I also told her how I CANNOT wait for her and her husband to get pregnant. Honestly, believe that they will make wonderful parents etc. More on this later.
4. Wednesday I go to the therapist and feel like a million bucks after. She teaches me a relaxation technique and it makes me feel great. I leave there and go see a cousin that I haven't seen in years because she lives in Portugal. Basically, she too has been experiencing infertility. She and her husband chose to live child free because she would have had to travel 4 hours by plane to get diagnosed and treated. It made me feel better to talk to her, because I felt less alone. Unfortunately, she doesn't live around here. Maybe I will need to make her a pen pal :).
5. Thanksgiving. Overall a great day. Make the turkey and stuffing without hurting anyone and from all accounts, it tasted great too.
6. Start doing the relaxation technique. Feel like a million bucks.
7. Saturday, I go shopping at a really early hour. Great news is that the pregnant army as well as the young family army is not there. FANTASTIC! I have found the right time for me to go shopping.
8. Sunday, my sister calls me up. We are chatting about Thanksgiving etc. When she tells me that my cousin is pregnant. The one first to be told about the infertility. She never told me that she and her husband were trying again. She had told me that they weren't trying. During the hour long conversation, we chatted about everything else. But never once did she hint at a possible pregnancy. Her parents are throwing her a surprise birthday party in two weeks. I am deathly affraid of the all important grand announcement. I feel betrayed and anxious.
9. Tuesday, I try to explain to my mother why I am upset. She believes that I am jealous. It is the furthest thing from the truth. When ever I find out that someone else is pregnant, I don't get upset that they are pregnant and I am not. I get upset that body cannot accomplish this "simple" task. I get angry at myself. Also, I tried to explain that the reason I am upset with Sandy is that I feel betrayed that she didn't tell me. That I was not worthy of being told. When I had deemed her worthy for her to know of my own problems. After this conversation, I experienced a minor anxiety attack. (I hadn't had one in years.) I get home and do the relaxation exercise and I feel better.
10. Wednesday, I decide that I need to tell my boss that the therapy sessions will be a regular thing. He asks if anything is wrong. I tell him that nothing is wrong, that I just needed to talk to someone. He asks if has to do with fertility. I admit that it does. He tells me to try and not to blame myself, that there is nothing wrong with seeing someone, and that his wife also had to undergo treatments to have his daughter. I am reminded that I have a great boss.
11. I get into the car. And feel fine. All of the sudden I am feeling anxious again. I have not been able to get rid of that feeling since yesterday. I didn't really sleep. I've tried to do the exercise three times and I still cannot quiet my mind. My next appointment isn't until next Wednesday. I really would like to relax.
What the hell is wrong with me?
Snippets of the last few months to explain my current feelings:
1. The Newport wedding was fine. Until, I find out from a third party that the bride is 11 weeks along. As I try to talk myself into being OK. I am approached by my husband's cousin who experienced male factor, and I start to cry. (Usually I am very happy when people tell me that they are experiencing, however with this couple the more I find out, the less I understand why they have been blessed.)
2. I saw the therapist and start to feel fine about things. It simply helped to chat about it with a real life person about infertility, who has gone thru it. She made me feel better. Not sure how. She taught me relaxation technique, more on that later.
3. Tuesday before Thanksgiving I talk to my cousin for about an hour. She is the only cousin that I have spoken to about infertility. Also, in those same conversations, I also told her how I CANNOT wait for her and her husband to get pregnant. Honestly, believe that they will make wonderful parents etc. More on this later.
4. Wednesday I go to the therapist and feel like a million bucks after. She teaches me a relaxation technique and it makes me feel great. I leave there and go see a cousin that I haven't seen in years because she lives in Portugal. Basically, she too has been experiencing infertility. She and her husband chose to live child free because she would have had to travel 4 hours by plane to get diagnosed and treated. It made me feel better to talk to her, because I felt less alone. Unfortunately, she doesn't live around here. Maybe I will need to make her a pen pal :).
5. Thanksgiving. Overall a great day. Make the turkey and stuffing without hurting anyone and from all accounts, it tasted great too.
6. Start doing the relaxation technique. Feel like a million bucks.
7. Saturday, I go shopping at a really early hour. Great news is that the pregnant army as well as the young family army is not there. FANTASTIC! I have found the right time for me to go shopping.
8. Sunday, my sister calls me up. We are chatting about Thanksgiving etc. When she tells me that my cousin is pregnant. The one first to be told about the infertility. She never told me that she and her husband were trying again. She had told me that they weren't trying. During the hour long conversation, we chatted about everything else. But never once did she hint at a possible pregnancy. Her parents are throwing her a surprise birthday party in two weeks. I am deathly affraid of the all important grand announcement. I feel betrayed and anxious.
9. Tuesday, I try to explain to my mother why I am upset. She believes that I am jealous. It is the furthest thing from the truth. When ever I find out that someone else is pregnant, I don't get upset that they are pregnant and I am not. I get upset that body cannot accomplish this "simple" task. I get angry at myself. Also, I tried to explain that the reason I am upset with Sandy is that I feel betrayed that she didn't tell me. That I was not worthy of being told. When I had deemed her worthy for her to know of my own problems. After this conversation, I experienced a minor anxiety attack. (I hadn't had one in years.) I get home and do the relaxation exercise and I feel better.
10. Wednesday, I decide that I need to tell my boss that the therapy sessions will be a regular thing. He asks if anything is wrong. I tell him that nothing is wrong, that I just needed to talk to someone. He asks if has to do with fertility. I admit that it does. He tells me to try and not to blame myself, that there is nothing wrong with seeing someone, and that his wife also had to undergo treatments to have his daughter. I am reminded that I have a great boss.
11. I get into the car. And feel fine. All of the sudden I am feeling anxious again. I have not been able to get rid of that feeling since yesterday. I didn't really sleep. I've tried to do the exercise three times and I still cannot quiet my mind. My next appointment isn't until next Wednesday. I really would like to relax.
What the hell is wrong with me?
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