Life in the last few years have given me the time to actually believe and act upon my title. It was time for me to move on.
I won't delete the old blog. I firmly believe that it has a place in the blogosphere. From my own experience, I know that a voice that relates is so valuable during a difficult time and if I give anyone that comfort, well it was worth the pain. That dark time is over for me. I'm not saying that infertility doesn't hurt, it does. But the "wound" has a scab at this point. It is not raw. It is not exposed. It is healing with time.
Ironically in July when I was "let go," I was very uncertain about so much. The last two months have given me the opportunity to get back to myself. The person I liked. It makes me completely contended.
I hope you decide to join me. If you don't I understand as well. Wishing you all well.
Wednesday, September 02, 2009
Tuesday, August 04, 2009
Considering....
what to do with this blog. I obviously have not been posting lately. It is most definitely not because I don't have anything to talk about. And it isn't that I don't have the time. I actually have been releaved from my duties as of July. (It really is a blessing.)
But, I don't know what to do with these words. I feel so far away from the situation that caused me to write them. I am no longer only infertile. Time has given me the blessing of realizing that it is only a part of me. It is a part that is painful at times, but a part of me that makes me who I am.
Yet, I feel a yearning to start a new, from scratch. What do you think? (Assuming anyone is reading?)
But, I don't know what to do with these words. I feel so far away from the situation that caused me to write them. I am no longer only infertile. Time has given me the blessing of realizing that it is only a part of me. It is a part that is painful at times, but a part of me that makes me who I am.
Yet, I feel a yearning to start a new, from scratch. What do you think? (Assuming anyone is reading?)
Monday, March 02, 2009
Pathetic
I am a pathetic blogger. Honestly, my story has not changed in the last few weeks. Work is still taking a good part of my time. It is the same story, ironically I think I am getting used to it. If I get out at 6:30, I think it is a miracle! Maybe it is that I am making more time for myself by going to the gym. It really does make me feel better.
I have read/listened to some great books lately. To name a few:
A Thousand Splendis Suns (infertility mentioned) by Khaled Hosseini
The Secret Life of Bees by Sue Monk Kidd
The Pillars of the Earth by Kenneth Follett
The two hours in the car is somewhat productive. But at the end of the day, I have had no time to read blogs or write. And I miss you all! Ok, so if you would, please write me posts with the latest and greatest of your lives. (If anyone is still reading.)
I have read/listened to some great books lately. To name a few:
A Thousand Splendis Suns (infertility mentioned) by Khaled Hosseini
The Secret Life of Bees by Sue Monk Kidd
The Pillars of the Earth by Kenneth Follett
The two hours in the car is somewhat productive. But at the end of the day, I have had no time to read blogs or write. And I miss you all! Ok, so if you would, please write me posts with the latest and greatest of your lives. (If anyone is still reading.)
Wednesday, February 04, 2009
Did it again!
I am so proud of myself. I went to the gym this morning again, and yes I worked out (smarty pants).
Hopefully, I can make it a habit.
For some reason, it makes work easier to deal with. Hmm...
Hopefully, I can make it a habit.
For some reason, it makes work easier to deal with. Hmm...
Monday, February 02, 2009
Saturday, January 31, 2009
I work to live.
Over a decade ago, I made that decision - that I wanted a life, not a career that took over my life. I made the decision not to go to law school, because I know that I can't do anything half way. And that if I had gone to law school, I would be married to my job.
Instead, I pursued my paralegal certificate and decided that it gave me a good balance. But, don't get me wrong, I take pride in my work. I do my best always and take criticism personally, because I strive to be the best. As a result, I was given a reward for being an "exceptional" employee last year.
For the most part, I've been very happy with my position. I always was made to feel like a valued member of the team. My direct report and many others noticed my work ethic and the quality of my work, and always made me feel valued and respected. My position, would not work for most people. It is varied and in law that is very unusual. I work in this position, because it keeps me always busy and never bored. The topics are interesting to me and therefore I am willing to work through my ignorance of topics. But, I am far from an expert in all the areas of law I tackle on a daily basis. My training is in U*S* immigration. But, I am asked to focus on company formations, international corporate law, U*S* corporate law, outbound/inbound immigration, employment matters, etc. And that etc. means about anything and everything.
Since working under the new managment, I cannot say that I feel respected, a member of the team, or valued. For the last three months, the new GC only measures my value with my weakest area of expertise. I am sick of being berrated and humiliated. She talks to me so disrespectfully, in front of people, that I am brought to tears right now as I type these words. She holds me responsible for something that was started with the formation of the company 26 years ago. Something that I inherited, and that previous managements never made important until now! She conveniently ignores everything that I do right and makes me feel as if my termination is around the corner at all times.
On Thursday, we had a one on one meeting. She said,"I want to open the lines of communication with you." I said, "I ask a lot of questions, and very often you do not want to hear them. Instead, you act as if I am being insubordinate. But, if I don't ask, I won't get it the way you want it to be." She said, "I will try to be more patient." The very next day. In a department meeting, I was sharing information with her. I had acted on a past practice, and was being told that the new practice was to be the complete opposite. I was communicating what I thought was important and needed to be shared. Instead of being patient, and listening to me. She turns to the new attorney and says, "You deal with her."
To say the least, it left me feeling disrespected and unappreciated. Especially when my average work day is 10 to 12 hours long without breaks (except for the bathroom and heating up food). Commuting for 2 hours a day. I've been working every weekend, in order to get everything she expects completed and answering her emergency emails.
Yet, I am frightened to look for a new position. This economy terrifies me. While, T and I would be OK for a little while. I don't like to think what it would be like if I didn't have a job.
But, after days like I've been having, all I want to do is quit and tell her where she can go.
Ok, nothing more I want to say on this topic. Maybe tomorrow I'll post about some of the books I've been reading/listening to. (The commute is good for something.)
Instead, I pursued my paralegal certificate and decided that it gave me a good balance. But, don't get me wrong, I take pride in my work. I do my best always and take criticism personally, because I strive to be the best. As a result, I was given a reward for being an "exceptional" employee last year.
For the most part, I've been very happy with my position. I always was made to feel like a valued member of the team. My direct report and many others noticed my work ethic and the quality of my work, and always made me feel valued and respected. My position, would not work for most people. It is varied and in law that is very unusual. I work in this position, because it keeps me always busy and never bored. The topics are interesting to me and therefore I am willing to work through my ignorance of topics. But, I am far from an expert in all the areas of law I tackle on a daily basis. My training is in U*S* immigration. But, I am asked to focus on company formations, international corporate law, U*S* corporate law, outbound/inbound immigration, employment matters, etc. And that etc. means about anything and everything.
Since working under the new managment, I cannot say that I feel respected, a member of the team, or valued. For the last three months, the new GC only measures my value with my weakest area of expertise. I am sick of being berrated and humiliated. She talks to me so disrespectfully, in front of people, that I am brought to tears right now as I type these words. She holds me responsible for something that was started with the formation of the company 26 years ago. Something that I inherited, and that previous managements never made important until now! She conveniently ignores everything that I do right and makes me feel as if my termination is around the corner at all times.
On Thursday, we had a one on one meeting. She said,"I want to open the lines of communication with you." I said, "I ask a lot of questions, and very often you do not want to hear them. Instead, you act as if I am being insubordinate. But, if I don't ask, I won't get it the way you want it to be." She said, "I will try to be more patient." The very next day. In a department meeting, I was sharing information with her. I had acted on a past practice, and was being told that the new practice was to be the complete opposite. I was communicating what I thought was important and needed to be shared. Instead of being patient, and listening to me. She turns to the new attorney and says, "You deal with her."
To say the least, it left me feeling disrespected and unappreciated. Especially when my average work day is 10 to 12 hours long without breaks (except for the bathroom and heating up food). Commuting for 2 hours a day. I've been working every weekend, in order to get everything she expects completed and answering her emergency emails.
Yet, I am frightened to look for a new position. This economy terrifies me. While, T and I would be OK for a little while. I don't like to think what it would be like if I didn't have a job.
But, after days like I've been having, all I want to do is quit and tell her where she can go.
Ok, nothing more I want to say on this topic. Maybe tomorrow I'll post about some of the books I've been reading/listening to. (The commute is good for something.)
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Still Alive
Not sure who is still reading this lonely blog. I can't even say that I've been reading. All I have been doing is working. I did have the pleasure of going to Aruba. Those were seven lovely days. Even if they were filled with events :).
One of our cars were stollen from the home we were staying in.
The house was broken into.
We went on the Jeep tour and our vehicle had a flat tire and lost it's transmission.
But at the end of the day, it was a great vacation. We had a lot of fun.
And as T's godson said, "We came, we saw, we broke it, and what was left they stole it."
(I'll try to get some photos uploaded soon.)
One of our cars were stollen from the home we were staying in.
The house was broken into.
We went on the Jeep tour and our vehicle had a flat tire and lost it's transmission.
But at the end of the day, it was a great vacation. We had a lot of fun.
And as T's godson said, "We came, we saw, we broke it, and what was left they stole it."
(I'll try to get some photos uploaded soon.)
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