Over a decade ago, I made that decision - that I wanted a life, not a career that took over my life. I made the decision not to go to law school, because I know that I can't do anything half way. And that if I had gone to law school, I would be married to my job.
Instead, I pursued my paralegal certificate and decided that it gave me a good balance. But, don't get me wrong, I take pride in my work. I do my best always and take criticism personally, because I strive to be the best. As a result, I was given a reward for being an "exceptional" employee last year.
For the most part, I've been very happy with my position. I always was made to feel like a valued member of the team. My direct report and many others noticed my work ethic and the quality of my work, and always made me feel valued and respected. My position, would not work for most people. It is varied and in law that is very unusual. I work in this position, because it keeps me always busy and never bored. The topics are interesting to me and therefore I am willing to work through my ignorance of topics. But, I am far from an expert in all the areas of law I tackle on a daily basis. My training is in U*S* immigration. But, I am asked to focus on company formations, international corporate law, U*S* corporate law, outbound/inbound immigration, employment matters, etc. And that etc. means about anything and everything.
Since working under the new managment, I cannot say that I feel respected, a member of the team, or valued. For the last three months, the new GC only measures my value with my weakest area of expertise. I am sick of being berrated and humiliated. She talks to me so disrespectfully, in front of people, that I am brought to tears right now as I type these words. She holds me responsible for something that was started with the formation of the company 26 years ago. Something that I inherited, and that previous managements never made important until now! She conveniently ignores everything that I do right and makes me feel as if my termination is around the corner at all times.
On Thursday, we had a one on one meeting. She said,"I want to open the lines of communication with you." I said, "I ask a lot of questions, and very often you do not want to hear them. Instead, you act as if I am being insubordinate. But, if I don't ask, I won't get it the way you want it to be." She said, "I will try to be more patient." The very next day. In a department meeting, I was sharing information with her. I had acted on a past practice, and was being told that the new practice was to be the complete opposite. I was communicating what I thought was important and needed to be shared. Instead of being patient, and listening to me. She turns to the new attorney and says, "You deal with her."
To say the least, it left me feeling disrespected and unappreciated. Especially when my average work day is 10 to 12 hours long without breaks (except for the bathroom and heating up food). Commuting for 2 hours a day. I've been working every weekend, in order to get everything she expects completed and answering her emergency emails.
Yet, I am frightened to look for a new position. This economy terrifies me. While, T and I would be OK for a little while. I don't like to think what it would be like if I didn't have a job.
But, after days like I've been having, all I want to do is quit and tell her where she can go.
Ok, nothing more I want to say on this topic. Maybe tomorrow I'll post about some of the books I've been reading/listening to. (The commute is good for something.)