Thursday, October 30, 2008

A must read.

If you haven't read this, you should.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Meme -- Tagged

By LoriBeth of The Road Less Travelled . Thanks, I haven’t done a Meme in a long time and ditto.

The way this works: I answer the following questions with single word responses, and pass the award on to 7 other bloggers. (But, since I’ve seen this on many others blogs, consider yourself tagged if you haven’t been.)

1. Where is your cell phone? Purse
2. Where is your significant other? Work
3. Your hair color? Brown
4. Your mother? Demanding
5. Your father? Reliable
6. Your favorite thing? Peace
7. Your dream last night? Panic
8. Your dream/goal? Travel
9. The room you’re in? Office
10. Your hobby? Reading
11. Your fear? Hell
12. Where do you want to be in six years? Travelling
13. Where were you last night? Shopping
14. What you’re not? Perfect
15. One of your wish list items? Retirement
16. Where you grew up? Massachusetts
17. The last thing you did? Work
18. What are you wearing? Sweater
19. Your T.V.? Scifi
20. Your pet? Cats
21. Your computer? Useful
22. Your mood? Excited
23. Missing someone? Sister
24. Your car? Toyota
25. Something you’re not wearing? Sunscreen
26. Favorite store? Marshalls
27. Your Summer? Busy
28. Love someone? Yes
29. Your favorite color? Blue
30. When is the last time you laughed? Today
31. Last time you cried? Sunday

Monday, October 20, 2008

An important image.

After a conversation we had at my Aunt and Uncle's house, after a memorial for my cousin (their son) B. I came across this image and I wonder what he would think.

Go and click. It is one of the most important images I've seen in a long while.

Thursday, October 09, 2008

It is amazing, what a few endorphines can do.

So, after my minor breakdown. I decided to take a lunch break and go to the gym. Heck, no one is here so I don't feel guilty for being in my gym clothing and sweaty.

Actually, 2.5 miles later, I feel really good.

A few people asked me about my progress. Well, I think I have been doing well. So far, after a week and only meeting the 10,000 goal once, I've lost two pounds. Not bad :).

Only eleven weeks before Aruba and Christmas.

I found the best Christmas card. It may trump the baby ones. Santa snorkeling. Exactly what I hope to be doing on that day.

So many things that I could write about instead...

but the one thing that seems to come out is my latest bought of infertility sadness.

Really, my blog represents me. And I've been to preoccupied to notice any infertility sadness for months. My feelings of happiness, well being, and contentment have been far out waying anything that is remotely sadness. Ironically, I thought I was ready to write about my depression of earlier in the year. How I got a speaking to by T, and somehow have been getting out of that funk.

But, just when I feel like I am doing better. I get whacked.

Four pregnancy and one birth announcements all at once. I guess the blows just get harder and harder. And the feeling of being left behind arises all over again.


Just when I feel like I am getting over this bullshit, the evil forces of the world come to play.

Can't people just get pregnant and have children in the privacy of their own home and leave me out of it?


So frustrated.

Because if I were to get pregnant now, I would be angry. Rage would find a new meaning. But, it is still the one thing that I would love to experience. And that is the saddest truth of my life.

Good thing no one is in the office, since I am crying now. The tears are only several weeks late.

Friday, October 03, 2008


After parking further from where I have to go, a fifteen minute walk, and two miles on the treadmill, that is all I got.

But, this morning, I felt it. Personally, I think that is a good sign. Even if it took me a while to get out of bed, I did feel like I had a flat tire.

Ironically, my car did. I luckily walked around the car and noticed that my right front tire was nearly flat. Took the car to the mechanic up the street and it turns out that I had a rim leak. Who knew those existed?

Like the tire, I feel better.

So today, I think I will do the same and go to the grocery store. Lets see were that leaves me?

Thursday, October 02, 2008

My 10,000 Step Project

Yes, it has begun. Today, I am wearing the pedometer and trying to find out what I walk "in an active day". So far, I've parked as far as I can from the office, and gone for a fifteen minute walk at lunch. I plan on going to the gym after work to, and walk on the treadmill.

By the way, 10,000 steps equals approximately 5 miles.

It seems like a lot to me. But, if that is what is needed to feel some progress, I need to do it. You know the old saying, shit or get off the pot. I really feel that is true. If you want to change something you got to do something about it.

So, with that said, the only two options that I can think of to increase my steps are parking further from where I want to get and taking walks daily at lunch. Obviously the gym is an option too, but I am realistic, that is not a daily option for me. And currently, there are no steps in my building or home.

I found this interesting article on the topic of weight loss and 10,000 step theory. Also, it has a good list of options on how to increase your steps.

How would you increase your steps? Any suggestions are greatly appreciated.

Did I tell you I have to be in a bathing suit in 12 weeks?

Wednesday, October 01, 2008

What have I been up to?

Well, were do I begin?

The new refrigerator is a good place to start. Do you want to see a photo?

Isn’t it pretty? As you figured out, it came immediately after me finishing “In Defense of Food.” And I immediately went to the store and filled the new refrigerator with all wholesome foods. Vegetables galore! My husband, the very next day filled it with practical snack foods. (Did I ever tell you we balance each other?)

To be truthful, like with most of my kicks with food, I have been half hearted in efforts and practice. But, I found something new that I thought I’d share:

The Cl*f Nect*r B*rs and as their site indicates, they are a 100% organic, 5 or fewer ingredients, and 2 servings of fruit. So saying all of that, I doubt my grandmother would of eaten it (no access), but it is still good for you and good tasting.

The newest fad diet that has made it to my attention, is the Fl*t belly diet. R*chel R*y was boasting about it and it got my attention. But, I couldn’t find anything on line without a signup requirement. Yesterday, when I was at the book store picking up a few more audio books (they are also my latest obsession), I saw a magazine about it.

It was interesting, very similar to the principles of the Z*ne, because they both require eating monounsaturated fats with every meal. The one thing that is easier regarding Fl*t belly is that they are more loose with the percentages of carbohydrates, proteins and fats. They simply stated to eat three meals of 400 calories with a portion of monounsaturated fats in each meal. (Obviously, very simplified.) And, they included in their list of monounsaturated fats dark chocolate. (So how can a girl resist?)

So, I’ve bought two bags of dark chocolate and eating one piece after lunch. I usually cook with olive oil, so that covers dinner. My only meal which I still need to figure something out with is breakfast.

Also, it made the point that people in order to maintain a healthy weight should walk a minimum of 10,000 steps, which equals about 500 calories, a day. Now, this is what made my jaw drop. I know that I don’t come near to that and even when I exercise. And that is when I realized my “problem.”

See even with all of the health conscious choices I make and the exercise program that I was diligently doing for several months, my weight remained the same. When I look at my past weight gain, it does have to do with my lack of physical activity. I used to work in a city and walked everywhere from getting to the office to getting something done for work. Now, I work in a small office and rarely have to leave my desk. That equals 8-10 pounds which I have not been able to get rid of. (I blamed it on the treatments, and they did come on at that time, but they didn't leave.)

T got a pedometer in a cereal box and I thought why not do a little experiment? So, today I am wearing the pedometer to figure out what my starting point is and then I need to go from there. My end result was 2,460.

The reality is that I know that I am not overweight. But, I would like to slim down a bit and to be more comfortable with what the scale reads. I also know that I am a healthy eater (for the most part, I will eat ice cream and cake, but in moderation). This was my breakfast and lunch for today (plus a Bliss Dark Chocolate).

If the answer is that I need to try to reach this target of 10,000 steps, to maintain a healthy weight, it is a goal to aim for and worth my while in trying. And maybe for me it is a better gauge than 30 minutes of aerobic exercise. Obviously I need a bit more exercise.

So maybe my obsession will change from food to increasing my steps. For some reason, I’d rather have that as an obsession, it causes a less adversarial role with something I love. Did I tell you the magazine had some great recipes? (I’ll share soon.)

Ultimately, in my opinion, fad diets aren't the best way of loosing weight. But, they always have some truth to them. (That is why I read them.)

Doing just fine.

The previous post, a remembrance of sad times, but surprisingly I am doing just fine. No tears feel on that day or any days since. I spoke to my Aunt, B's mom, and I admit I swallowed some tears and there were moments of silence from me. But, I wasn't overcome with tears like in the past.

Maybe it is a sign that the sadness, when it is all mine (not drug induced), is a part of my heart, mind, soul, but a manageable part.

My happiness is far larger than my sadnesses. And I am grateful.