Monday, August 28, 2006

Am I in or out?

The post below talks about a movement that I think is BEAUTIFUL.

Then why is it that I don't have my pomegranet thread on my right wrist? Well, because I don't think I'm out.

I'm out with: My husband, mother, father, sister, future brother-in-law, a cousin (out of 30), a co-worker, 2 Aunt Gs, an Uncle, close friends, and all of you.

With that said, the only ones that I have invited to read this blog are my husband, 4 VERY close friends, and my Vent friends.

(I also invited my sister, but she refuses to read it. She doesn't want me to give her any reason not to call her. She thinks that if she reads my blog I won't pick up the phone.)

Thru my friend A's blog, I've been outed to two additional friends, E and L. For this I'm actually grateful because of the support they have shown me. So, this outing was good, because it helped our relationship.

Ultimately, the majority of people don't know. I suspect that they have their own ideas as to why we don't have children. But, they mostly keep those ideas to themselves or they come up with comments that put them in my top ten. Would it be better to be up front, because I may be surprised by their reactions?

I don't know, but I do know that my experience has lead me to the point of staying quiet when it is something this personal.

Notice, that I've told my close friends. These are people I've picked or my husband has picked to be our friends. Our chosen family.

Notice that I've told a limited number of family members. Basically, only the ones who have been supportive for the most part. (I told my Mom despite the fact she is the author of 6 out of the 10 insensitive comments. Got to love the woman.) Most of my family have not always been supportive of me. They have been the cause of many a hurt feeling. Therefore, I think that I am further protecting myself against possible turmoil.

So this is where I find myself. I'd love to wear the bracelet. I do believe that it is beautiful, but I don't think that I'm ready to put myself all the way out. Right now, in my 25% out and 75% in stage, I'm not emotionally ready to be that honest and forth coming.

I hope that doesn't make me a bad person.

A Movement!

From the Stirrup Queens and Sperm Palace Jesters, contributed by Paz:

For anyone who has ever had a miscarriage, struggled with pregnancy, and all things infertile...there is a movement upon us that you might want to join.

It's rather simple actually: a discreet ribbon on your right wrist to signal to others that they are not alone in their struggles.

As someone who has had 5 m/c but am currently 5 months pregnant (YEAH), I wonder who looks at my big belly with sadness because they are in the month-to-month struggle. I mentioned to a friend that I wished there was some secret nod or international sign as if to say, this belly was hardwon.

Well, she posted this quandary on her blog ( and the response has been quite overwhelming...and a movement has been born!

The pomegranate-colored thread holds a two-fold purpose: to identify and create community between those experiencing infertility as well as create a starting point for a conversation. Women pregnant through any means, natural or A.R.T., families created through adoption or surrogacy, or couples trying to conceive during infertility or secondary infertility can wear the thread, identifying themselves to others in this silent community.

At the same time, the string serves as a gateway to conversations about infertility when people inquire about its purpose. These conversations are imperative if we are ever to remove the social stigma attached to infertility.Tie on the thread because you’re not alone. Wear to make aware.

Join us in starting this conversation about infertility by purchasing this pomegranate-coloured thread (#814 by DMC) at any craft, knitting, or variety store such as Walmart or Target. Tie it on your right wrist. Notice it on others.


Last week, I got angry.


It started with the insurance which got me thinking, which made me angry.

The insurance woman was the match. She was unsympathetic and uncaring. She simply wanted to make me stop asking questions and have me get off the phone. But, regardless I asked my questions, because I needed to know. She ultimately told me that my insurance could not help me.

Well, this made me think how UNFAIR this whole thing of infertility is. (I know, no shit Sherlock. Like I've said, sometimes it takes me a while to get there.) The insurance situation made me boil. I've read thru my coverage. It specifically mentions what it will and will not cover. However in the infertility section, they are vague. They don't come out and say they won't cover assisted reproductive services, they do say they will cover diagnostic testing. Now, since everything else is so straight forward and infertility is so vague, it makes me even more angry.

I'm starting to feel like a second class citizen. I'm infertile, but with a little help, I too can have a healthy baby. Then why is it, that my insurance will cover all pre-natal ultrasounds, but not one if I am undergoing IUI? Why does my insurance cover V*agra and not injectible drugs? Why does the insurance cover abortion, the pill, and the morning after pill. But not ONE thing to help me get pregnant.

My answer. The insurance plan and the laws are written by a 50-80 year old men who require V*agra to satisfy their wives and mistesses, who's wives didn't suffer infertility, and who's mistresses required contreceptives.

The more I learn about insurance, the more I learn that they will not do anything that is not cost effective unless it is required by law. I understand the implications of creating law. Ultimately, it can restrict people, put ART under more scrutiny, etc. But, it also can be the start of something. It can open the lines of communication and open the eyes of so many to the infertile. If there is a law requiring infertility treatment, well it would be a start.

So, I am going to put my anger to good use, I am writing letters to my Senators. Requesting their intervention in this matter. Do you think you would join me?

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Cycle 15, Month 24

As we start cycle 15, I feel numb.

When I purchased my last round of Clomid this afternoon, I was reminded by the pharmacist that it was "the last refill on the prescription." I responded with, "I am all too aware."

The last cycle of Clomid only marks the end of the less evasive measures to get us pregnant. After this, the RE has recommended three injectible medicated IUIs. In other words, the beginning of the journey into A.R.T. (assisted reproductive technologies).

Today, I decided it was time to pursue our insurance again. This time, the women told me in not so many words, they can't help us. They have done what they can. They paid for the diagnosis and if the diagnosis is a problem that cannot be fixed by an operation you are on your own.

I knew that this was more than likely their response. Yet, I find myself close to tears.

It only means the beginning of another battle in finding a secondary insurance plan which I knew would be in the future. But, for some reason, I hoped that the information I gathered was going to change the answer.

Frustration, exhaustion, and emotional turmoil is knocking on the door. I need a vacation.

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

To my unborn child

Dear Baby,

I’m writing because your father asked me to analyze why I want, desire, love you so much. I smile at him, because I know that he will love you even more than I already do. This is my attempt. Please note, that I understand you will not be born on May 1, 2007, but I hope you will be born soon.

My desire for you little one started many years ago. I will admit, that the desire didn’t hit me until my twenties, but that is about 10 years ago now.

When I was a teenager, I had plans. They didn’t really involve babies or men. My plan was to go to college and to be an independent woman. This may not seem like a big deal, and hopefully it won’t be for you. But, for me it was a big deal. See, I was the first girl on your grandfather’s side to go, and the first to graduate on his side and the second to graduate on your grandmother’s. My independence was vital for me to become who I am. As soon as I graduated, I began to save for our first home. And it was purchased before your father and I were married.

Like most people, I changed and sometime in my sophomore year of college, I started to desire you. I can’t pin point the day that I knew that you were in my future, but I can tell you it happened.

So, I made a pack with myself that if by the age of 35 I was not married or in a significant relationship, I would try to conceive regardless. See, at that point, I had very little luck with the opposite sex. I dated a great deal, but without any success at finding someone worthy of you or me. I had no faith in finding the right man, but I always had faith in myself, the almighty, and in you. Ultimately, my desire for you was strong even back then.

At 23, I met your father. He was the first man worthy of both of us; strong, beautiful, intelligent, brave, funny, compassionate, tenacious, a little arrogant, persistent, and the right man for us. We were engaged and married two years and nine months after our first date.

It would seem that we would of tried for you at exactly that point. But, my sweet, at 26, I wasn’t ready. I needed for things to be better for you. So, it took me another 2 years to realize that the circumstances would never be perfect, and we started to try for you.

Now, as you realize my brilliant child, it has been another two years. The desire has not diminished, it has intensified. My love for you grown, but you still seem to want me to wait. Maybe it is my turn to wait, because I made you wait for so long.

Ultimately, my desire for you has nothing to do with society or my family. Yes, your father worries about this because he remembers Bridezilla me wanting a one carat engagement ring. But, my desire for you has nothing to do with an irrational want of a materialistic thing.

You are not a material or an object to have. You are not something that is entitled. You are the ultimate gift and I pray that you will be given to us.

You will be a baby, a child, and an adult given by God himself. You will be mine and your father’s to care for. We will love you and be proud of you always. I want to be a parent to you. To teach you compassion, love, understanding and to make the world a better place by helping you be the best person possible.

Do I want you to love? Maybe, but is that so terrible? Does that make my desire for you less pure? Because, I think it is the most pure feeling I’ve ever had. My desire and love for you is tremendous, and I think that there is only one being that could put that in my heart, God himself. Maybe he chooses women to put that desire within because ultimately it will be their body that they use for the miracle of birth to occur.

Also, no matter what means you are conceived by (clomid, IUI with medication, GIFT, or adoption) you are a miracle. Ultimately, nature has caused a chemical imbalance within me, and without those artificial manipulations the chance of conceiving you are minimal. I need the help of the medical community for my desire to be fulfilled or another to conceive you.

Sadly, I know that there will be a limit. Money and hope will definitely leave me at some point. Your father has said that he is willing to go on as long as I have the will to go on. I am not sure when my will will be gone, but I know that eventually I will be completely defeated and done with this struggle of trying to conceive you thru me.

I don’t say this to you to hurt you. It isn’t that I have a limit to loving you, but maybe it wasn’t meant for you to be born of me. Maybe you must be conceived and born of others. If this is the case, I will love you just the same. See, I feel that you were always intended for me and your father. But maybe you were intended to be our friends’ children or another couples’ child and never be ours, but children in our lives.

Adopting you may also be in the future, but I will be honest that the wound of defeat will have to heal before I would be ready for that struggle. So, I will be honest and tell you that you will have to wait for me to be ready for that fight.

Ultimately, my sweet, I will love you. Your father will love you. All of our friends will love you. Your Auntie M and future Uncle M will love you, and the rest of the crazy family members will love you. One thing that I can guarantee you is that you will be LOVED.

The other thing that I can guarantee you is that I will always do my best. I cannot say that I will be the best. But, I will always try to be the best Mommy for you. I will attempt to be patient, your friend, a companion to you in this journey of life, and you will always have support and opportunities. You will be completely cared for. I will attempt to give you everything that I can that you need and I know that your Dad would do the same.

Ultimately, please do come and visit soon, because as you can see, you are already loved and wanted.

Missing and loving you daily,

Your Mommy

Monday, August 21, 2006

CD 31 and DPO 13

Yes, I am at that crossroad again, it is coming to the end of cycle 14, month 23.

Tomorrow is when I suspect the Wicked Witch will come visit. So, am I hopeful for this cycle?

Well, I'm feeling indifferent. I'm doing my best not to get my hopes up. I admit that freely. I don't want to be as devastated as I was last cycle. Will I be happy if it is positive? I'd be ecstatic, but I just don't want to be upset if it is negative.

I've made a deal with myself not to test before DPO 14. Well, tomorrow is DPO 14 and I really don't want to test. I rather wait for the Wicked Witch than see a single pink line on the home pregnancy test. So, my options:

1. Bite the bullet and test tomorrow. (But, remember that last time I did this, two hours later the Wicked Witch showed.)

2. Wait for Wednesday to test. (Since my cycles are SO eratic what is one day late? It may still be too early for the Wicked Witch, but at DPO 15 it is highly unlikely for a false negative.)

3. Not take a home test, and call the RE's office on Tuesday afternoon and ask for a Beta. Probably take the blood test on Wednesday and get those results that afternoon. (Would it truly be better to hear it from the nurse at work? I could always avoid all phone calls and take the message after work. Crying in the car is probably not a good idea.)

So, what are your opinions? I'm in need of some advice.

Friday, August 18, 2006


Gemini (May 20 - June 20)

Taking care of yourself is not just about eating the right food and getting enough exercise, dear Gemini. It also has to do with taking care of your emotions as well. If your mind is always buzzing around like a bumblebee, there is little time to stop and reflect on your feelings. Engage in a conversation with your heart and ask for guidance from a higher power to guide you where you need to go. Answers are not always rational, and they certainly will not always be as obvious as you might like. Sometimes you just have to go deeper.


Yes, fear should be coursing thru your veins. Just kidding. But, honestly, the reason that I haven't written in a few days and for that reason only, I've been thinking.

As my dear T says, "I am always thinking."

But the last few weeks there has been more topics than normal going thru my head.

I'm going to list them, and I will write about them each separately in the next few weeks.

1. My cousin B. I've been thinking tremendously about him. He has been fighting a long battle with a brain tumor. Last December, after his third operation, the doctors determined that his once benign tumor was now malignant. Well, he was just told that his time is short, that he is no longer responding to the medication, and to prepare.

2. My T has asked me to analyze why I want a child. To really look into it and decide if I want one because of society or my family's pressuring me or for other reasons. It has taken me a long week of thinking, and I believe that I've actually analyzed this question completely. (Yes, it takes me that long to analyze.)

3. Secondary Insurance. Currently doing more research on the topic and hoping to have it completed soon.

4. Hope, Peace and Grace.

5. Procedures.

6. Terms. I've been reading a few books and I'm thoroughly confused. What the heck is a subfertile? Yes, this is a term that I found. More to come.

7. Two year anniversary on September 18th. Yes, I remember the exact date that I told T that I wasn't taking the pill any longer, the day that I actually stopped taking the pill and started taking the pre-natal vitamins.

Ok that is it for now.

Side note, I'm currently on CD 28 and 10 DPO. I'm hopeful, in a conservative way, and surprisingly still at peace. Testing sometime next week if there is no indication of the Wicked Witch. If it isn't our cycle, I am hoping that she at least shows before I take a test. I'm sick of seeing a negative test and starting to think that positive tests DO NOT EXIST.

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

I've been tagged :).

Thanks AAH!

1. YOUR ROCK STAR NAME: (first pet and current street name)

Pricess Broad

2. YOUR MOVIE STAR NAME: (grandfather/grandmother on your mom's side, your favorite candy)

Maria Luisa Goodbar

3. YOUR "FLY GIRL/GUY" NAME: (first initial of first name, first two or three letters of your middle name)

D Fre (I think it needs more another e, ak, etc.)

4. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (favorite color, favorite animal)

Cerulean Feline

5. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, city where you were born)

Maria Stoughton
(I used my confirmation name, both of my middle names are last names. My Mom's maiden and mine. Yeah, I couldn't get rid of any of them.)

6. YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first name, first 2 letters of mom's maiden name and first 3 letters of the town you grew up in.)


7. Terrorist Name: (I think I'll skip this one, plenty out there and to be truthful I don't feel a need to add to it.)

8. SUPERHERO NAME: (your favorite color, favorite drink)

Cerulean Pinot Grigio

I'm going to tag Joei, Jenn, Mel, Amy, & Lori :).

Monday, August 14, 2006

The Dress

A few months back, when I first started this blog, I wrote about a shopping experience.

I went into a store and saw several beautiful dresses that would be appropriate for my friend J's wedding. But, I didn't even try on a dress, after all I could become pregnant during the next four months before the wedding. (I know how crazy that sounds, but it is exactly what comes into my mind.)

Now, I'm not sure if it is that I'm much more relaxed this cycle or that the wedding is only five weeks away or that I'm still feeling neutral and at peace. On Saturday, I bought a dress.

Check it out if you are interested :). LOVE IT! (T, if you are reading this, please don't look at the dress since, I'd like to surprise you.)

The little things that make me happy.

P.S. J, I cannot wait for your wedding. So very excited for you and D. Praying that it is a perfect beginning to your perfect life together.

Friday, August 11, 2006


Mr. Webster, please provide some synonyms of the word. Well, just a few are: impartial,
aloof, bystanding, calm, clinical, collected, cool, detached, disengaged, disinterested, dispassionate, easy, even-handed, fair-minded, impersonal, inactive, indifferent, inert, nonaligned, nonbelligerent, nonchalant, noncombatant, noncommital, noncommittal, nonparticipating, nonpartisan, on sidelines*, pacifistic, poker-faced*, relaxed, unaligned, unbiased, uncommitted, unconcerned, undecided, uninvolved, and unprejudiced.

Thank you Mr. Webster.

Three days past ovulation and I'm feeling neutral. Can't really explain it more than that and not to say I won't analyze later. Maybe I'm feeling neutral this time because I remember how I felt last cycle? Or maybe because T and I have done everything humanly possible and it isn't our control. Could I've learned the lesson of Let Go and Let God finally! I feel at peace.

Now, I don't know how long this will last. But, Peace if you could stick around a little while longer, I would really appreciate it. Especially since I shouldn't test until August 24th and that seems right now, a long ways off.

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

20 Questions

My need to have a child is immense. For the last few days, I've been contemplating what my need may bring me to. Knowing that the child will not come easy, leaves me fearful. What if? This is a terrible game that I play with myself constantly, since I need to have plans, options before I need them. As a result, my 20 questions to myself.

1. Why do you want a child? I want to experience the amazing miracle of a baby growing within me. I want to know that child is part me and part my husband. To experience watching a child and recognizing something about them from me, my husband, our parents, and grandparents. For my husband and I to be parents. To care for a child and love that child unconditionally. I want to know that I have done the best I can to create a beautiful person who is intelligent, productive and compassionate. I yearn for this child. I yearn to watch my T with the child; playing, parenting, etc. I yearn for him to be a Dad, because he will be great at it.

2. Would you still have this need if you didn't have to wait? It seems to me that the longer I wait, the more the feelings intensify, more the desire intensifies. Yes, I do believe that the need, want, and desire would still be there with or without the wait, but it is magnified.

3. Do you think the wait has helped in any way? I will admit, despite the frustration and aggravation that it has caused, I think it has made me more prepared, improved my husband's and my communication skills, and also made me a more aware person. So maybe in the end, it'll be a good thing that we had to wait, because it will make me a better parent for that child. Also, the wait will only make the victory that much sweeter.

4. Do you want a child because you feel entitled to one? No, because I don't think there is anything of this magnitude is entitled. I believe a child is a blessing. Whether or not we aren't granted a child, I don't think I'm entitled. However, I will be disappointed, because I can't help but wonder why I wasn't granted this blessing. This pondering makes me worried that my envious side will win and I will become bitter. This may be my biggest fear. I don't want to be bitter because I didn't have a child. I need/want to accept it.

5. Are you fearful of the Clomid and what if it doesn't work? Yes, I am a little afraid of the Clomid. It causes emotional mood swings, dehydration, forgetfulness, etc. But, my fear is what else is it causing? Is it destroying my uterus lining or my cervical mucus? Is it causing some un-repairable harm? These are my concerns, but the need out weighs these fears. Also, if I want a child, I need to ovulate and since I don't ovulate on my own. I need to take something that makes me ovulate. And the Clomid works for me. If it fails, I know I will survive. Heck, I've already survived two failed cycles on the Clomid, what is two more.

6. What are your thoughts on the medicated IUIs and what if they don't work? I'm willing to try. They aren't as invasive as IVF. Also, as an added bonus, the Catholic Church is OK with it. Even though, I think a failed IUI cycle would be very emotional, it is an emotional distress that I'm willing to go thru and I can survive. I don't think a failed cycle would destroy me. But, who knows, after one failed IUI, it might be enough for me.

7. What if you are faced with IVF? IVF is another story. I'm not thinking of my religion's beliefs. I'm not thinking of what someone may consider "morally" right. (After all some of my favorite people were miraculously born this way.) I'm thinking that I couldn't survive a failed cycle. After all, those embryos are fertilized, the only task my body would need to do is implant. If my body failed to implant, than it would be my body's ultimate failure. To me, it would be equavilent to a miscarriage. All of my hope and love would be with them. And I know, that a failed cycle would put me in the insane asylum. I have no doubt.

8. Are there any other issues that make you feel apprehensive about IVF? You mean besides the demise of my mental state? Well, my realistic side cannot fathom spending that much money on anything that at best has a 50% shot. Sadly, for T and I (unless the secondary insurance I find is AMAZING) we will be paying out of pocket. An average IVF cycle between $12,000 and $15,000, and considering it takes more than one cycle usually. It would be beyond our means. I know how horrible that sounds, that I'm thinking about money when it comes to a child. Maybe I am selfish. But I know that: I want a child, be able to buy a house someday to house said child, and be able to financially support said child. So, maybe I am selfish. But when I consider how that money could be put towards adopting a child, I don't think I'm selfish I think there might be another path for us.

9. What do you think of adoption? The more I think, the more I come to this conclusion, that adoption sounds really nice. There are children that need parents. And I would like to be one. Also, I truly believe that it wouldn't matter to me if the child was genetically ours. (Believe me, I would be upset never to experience being pregnant, but ultimately my need/desire for a child is greater than my need to be pregnant.) Lastly, I believe that adopted children were ALWAYS meant for their adoptive parents, they just needed to be born a different way.

10. Do you have any reservations about adopting? I have no doubt that I will be able to love that child regardless of who its birth mother/father were or where they came from. I also don't believe that it would matter to T. Ultimately, the group of people that I am most fearful of their lack of acceptance is our families. This seriously causes me to pause. Because sadly, I think they may have some difficulties accepting the decision.

11. Are there benefits to adopting? Yes, adoption allows us to wait a little while longer. After all there is no biological clock ticking with adoption. There is a preference that the parents be under 40, so we would need to start with in the next four years because of T. We could buy a house now. Save for the adoption. Travel a little bit more. It would be valuable time to enjoy ourselves a little more and prepare ourselves for our future little ones.

12. Do I think too much? Most definitely. Have you met me?

13. Am I being a coward for not being able to go thru IVF or do I just know myself? I think the answer is a little bit of both. I do feel like a coward, but I honestly do not have any doubt in how I feel. I know that I wouldn't be able to survive a failed IVF and maybe that is me being cowardly. But, I think it would be foolish of me to plow ahead and realize it when it is all said and done.

14. Will I regret not trying? Maybe, but my sanity is worth much more to me than a regret. After over two years of trying, am I really "not" trying, by saying I have done all I can.

15. Will I be OK if I never become pregnant? Ultimately, I don't have a choice. It will be my cross to bear.

16. Can we love a child that is not ours biologically? Yes, I believe this to be 100% true.

17. So, if that is 100% true, than why don't you quit now? Because, there are still things we need to try. We aren't at the point to toss in the towel. To give up hope on a biological child. Also, who knows it may be something we consider down the road, because to be truthful, if we are lucky in having one beautiful, healthy, little one; I don't know if I could put myself thru this emotional turmoil again. I think I would be done, which is sad considering I wanted 4 when we started. But, adoption will allow us to open our hearts to more children. So, if not this time, maybe another time.

18. When will you be ready to give up? Not sure. Definitely know that there will be 1 more Clomid cycle and three medicated IUIs. More than that, I'm not sure. I'd be willing to "try" by inducing up to 12 ovulations. Since I've ovulated three times, I would count that towards the 12, and it would leave us with 9 more tries. At this point and time, that sounds like so much to put my body and mind thru. So, I don't know.

19. Have you thought of not having children and being married without building a family? This one, I have not really thought thru. I can say that is not how I envisioned our lives. If this is the situation, T and I have a really good example of how it can be done with his Great Uncle and Aunt. They have been happily married for 50 years. So, it can be done. But, would I be OK with it. I do not know.

20. Are you still hopeful? Yes, I am hopeful that the extreme measures of infertility treatments will not be necessary. Like so many others, that I will be lucky and the Clomid will be all I need. But I am a realist. I know that the Clomid only gives me an 8% chance of pregnancy and the medicated IUI 25%. I know that my time on the miracle "crazy" pill is limited due to it's side effects. I must mentally start preparing myself for the possibilities.

Ovulation Number 3

Yes, I have detected my third ovulation (or LH surge). YIPPPEEE! Cycle 14/ month 23, is not a complete bust!

It really doesn't take much :).

Another chance/opportunity for actual conception. There you are Hope, please play nice.

I was doing so well. Relaxed, calm, non-obsessive. Also hoping those feelings stick around.

Monday, August 07, 2006

The Mini Vacation

The trip was really nice. (The rental car is VERY nice. Believe me, I am more than ready to have my car back, but I do enjoy the rental.) We had plenty of good food, time to chat, and just enjoy life.

Wednesday, the book reading itself was better than I expected. It was really a star studded cast. First an introduction to the night done by Whoopi Goldberg. Following, Tim Robbins introducing Stephen King. Stanley Tucci introduced John Irving and last Kathy Bates introduced JK Rowling. It was amazing to see these fantastic authors all on the same stage.

Stephen King read from Different Seasons (AKA Stand By Me), John Irving from A Prayer to Owen Meany (It was UNBELIEVABLE to hear John Irving read as Owen, squeaky voice and all.), and JK Rowling from The Half-Blood Prince.

Stephen King and John Irving were very opened about their thoughts on their characters, how they write, etc. Very revealing.

My only complaint is that JK Rowling was very guarded. She didn't answer a lot of questions. But, she did say that Dumbledor is deceased and that "he won't be pulling a Gandalf." Also, she said there is more to Aunt Petunia than meets the eye. This one has left me completely baffled considering she says that Aunt Petunia is not magical on her website. (Very intrigued. I personally believe that Aunt Petunia, Harry's Mom, Harry etc. have some connection to Dumbledor. But, that is only a hunch.)

T even enjoyed the night, and he wasn't looking forward to it at ALL.

The hotel was really nice and very reasonable for a five star. Actually comparatively priced to the Holiday Inn which I had only stayed in a few months back.

Thursday, we stopped at Mystic, CT. Perfect little town. Cute shops, an aquarium, a port, etc. We settled in, got a hotel room, put our things in our room and set out to see the town. T suggested seeing a movie, since he knows how much I love them. We went to see "Pirates of the Caribbean." All of the sudden, we lost electricity.

Unfortunatelly, I believed that the electricity would be turned on by the time we woke up and I asked T to stay. So we did. I was wrong. The electricity was still out at 11:00 AM the next morning. Turned out that 60,000 people were out of electricity in the surrounding area.

Friday, we went home and relaxed.

Saturday, we had T's family reunion which they have every year. T got to play with the kids and I chatted. It was nice to see them all. (Every year it is held by T's Great Aunt and Uncle. They are truly beautiful people. They never had kids and honestly, they are a great example of a HAPPY couple who never did. Food for thought for me, that T pointed out on the ride home.)

Sunday, we relaxed. Went back to the movie theaters to finish watching "Pirates," did some grocery shopping and relaxed.

It was a great mini vacation, exactly what I needed.

Tuesday, August 01, 2006


This cycle, so far, has been an emotional whirlwind. (And not because of trying to conceive. But, because of life in general.)

Despite the car turmoil, I had a great weekend. My friend S, got us tickets to see the Dixie Chicks for our birthdays. They were fantastic! I loved their performance. And I belted "So Hard" when they sang it, for all of us infertiles. (My mouth dropped when Natalie said the word "infertility." WOW!) Two of them have faced it and achieved the unattainable baby, therefore there is hope.

Yesterday, I found out that I'm not responsible for the service or part for my car. And today, I found out that they are covering a rental! PHEW! WOO HOO!

Tomorrow, my husband and I start our mini vacation. First to NY, to see "Harry, Carrie, and Garp" a book reading with JK Rowling, Stephen King and John Irving. So, excited! And then a stop somewhere, not sure where yet, waiting to see what the mood strikes us :).

August, so far you are much better!

WOO HOO, I've been tagged :).

I've been tagged by Miss E (This is my first time :). Thanks!)

Four jobs I have had in my life:

Grocery Clerk (It was the never ending job! I started two days after I turned 14 and quit at 19.)
Receptionist at a Senator's Office (During the Monica Lewinsky scandal. If you can imagine it, I heard it.)
Immigration Paralegal (After 9/11. Need I say more?)
Paralegal for a corporation, which I love!

Four movies I watch over and over:

Never Ending Story
Star Wars (All)
Harry Potter (All)
When Harry Met Sally

Four places I have lived:

Scranton, PA
(That is it.)

Four TV shows I love to watch:

Big Brother
Desperate Housewives

Four places I have been on vacation:

Spain and Portugal (Continent)
Grand Cayman

Four websites I visit daily: (to check my personal account) (to see if there is any good vacation deals) (Yes, I know I am a total dork :).) (I crochet as therapy.)

Four of my favorite foods:

Fried Scallops and Clams
Cheese fries

Four places I would rather be right now:

On a cruise ship, specifically on a balcony sipping some coffee, on my way to a lovely island.
Rome, Italy
(Basically vacation.)

Four favorite bands/singers:

Fleetwood Mac
Dixie Chicks
Indigo Girls

Four folks I'm tagging:

AHH ttp://