Baby Borrowers

I watched it last night. Did you? What did you think?

If you didn't watch and you want to learn a little bit more, this article did a great job in explaining "the experiment."

My thoughts:

Overall, so far so good. The show eases the teens into becoming parents. I found it interesting how one girl fell apart over using the pregnant belly. (I sincerely felt bad, she must have some sever body issues.)

Also, I found it interesting that the actual parents could suprovise and when they decided and how they interacted with the teen parents. Most telling is that one set of parents are educators and one mother was herself a single mom. They probably know something of the value of a show such as this.

Surprisingly was that one teen boy felt like this was the best decision for him and his girlfriend. And that it may make her change her mind in wanting a baby soon.

I must admit that I was intrigued in a morbid "need to see what the accident looks like" way. But, now I am more impressed with the shows creators, the teens, and the parents who are involved with the show.

I'll be calling my friends with teens and telling them about this "experiment" - I sincerely can see the value.

Now, I really want to know your thoughts. Did you watch? If so, what did you think?

Crazy thoughts of the day.

Last night, I had a crazy dream. I was in high school/college and I didn't have my schedule. It should have been mailed to me, but for whatever reason I didn't have it. And I kept looking down at my cartoon vulture notebook.

Odd.

It was one of those dreams that you're left thinking about. It was so vivid. The colors were bright and cartoon like. Not sure if that was why it left such an impression.

It was probably brought on by the fact that I'm thinking of going back to school. Yes, grad school. Maybe I think that I'll be thrown to the vultures?

If I go, it won't be until next year. The program I'm interested in requires a language proficiency exam. So, I'm actually taking a Spanish class this fall. Then next Spring, assuming it doesn't collide with Aruba, I'll take a class in the program to try it out, with a another Spanish class.

I like the job I'm in currently. My intent is to do the program part time and it will take me years to complete. But, I'm all right with that. It will compliment my current position. For all these reasons I like the degree and it would allow me to pursue my dream position - Director of International Students.

I know random.

But -- I think -- it would be my dream position. It would allow me to use my immigration knowledge, with college aged students, in academia. All of those things sound intriguing to me.

If I'm honest, some days I want to go back to school and work full time. And other days I think to myself - you're crazy - you really want to do that?

So I think the Spanish class will ease me into the thought process and practice of studying.

The book club is also allowing me to use my brain. I am greatly enjoying the books, which I know I wouldn't necessarily choose for myself. Also, the women are really nice and interesting. Sadly, I don't want to give up the book club to go to class. I know really mature! At this point, I am enjoying it. Why take something out that makes me happy?

So more happy/fun dilemmas.

The wonderful Lolly, or Mel, has me searching for a Blog Name. You need to read the post to understand, go ahead read it, while you are there, whish Lolly a happy blogoversary!

Ok, I need a new name. Lolly and I both agree that Flutter needs to be part of my name. Lolly thinks it should be my first name and I'm leaning towards it being my last name.

What do you think? And thoughts on what my new name should be?

My Book Club Thoughts - Daughter of Destiny by Benazir Bhutto

Benazir Bhutto's autobiography, Daughter of Destiny, made me think of so many things. The autobiography focused mostly on her father's rise to Prime Minister, the take over of his government by a dictatorship, her subsequent detainments, her mother and husband's incarcerations, the death of her brothers and escalation to power.

The book for me was a slow read. So many details and facts, that I didn't want to miss a thing. Benazir was an interesting person. Raised in a political family (think the Kennedys), well educated (Radcliff and Oxford), Muslim and a feminist. Many of her characteristics seem to be contradictory, but somehow she blended them together.

Thrust into politics after her father's murder, she became the people's politician. Her intentions seemed exceptionally pure. It is tough not to read this book and not like her. She endured so much, and yet rose above it all.

Besides I have a special place for all woman leaders. I know it is a bit biased. But, since I can only think of three - Indira Gandhi (Prime Minister of India from 1966 to 1977 and 1980 to 1984); Margaret Thatcher (Prime Minister of the United Kingdom in 1979 to 1990); and Benazir Bhutto (Prime Minister of Pakistan on December 2, 1988)

But part of her "wedding vows" for her husband:

"Asif must look after the children while I am out campaigning and not prevent me from going to jail, You must agree that Benazir will serve the nation"

His response:

"That is all right with me, for I will serve the nation by serving my wife."

I found it interesting that Benazir said, "Despite the great strides women have made, the double standards in viewing the conduct of male and female leaders obviously remains." This quote resonated with me especially considering the recent race between Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama.

All in all, I enjoyed my time with Benazir. As the book neared the end, I faught with myself over whether or not to read the final pages dealing with her murder. All I can say for certain, is that the world lost a very special person.

What's in the news?

By this point, most of you have probably heard about the seventeen teen pregnancies occurring in Gloucester, MA. If you haven’t, please go read the Time article.

The article sounds like something out of a Jodi Picoult book. Maybe it is?

I chuckle at the idea that Juno or Knocked up were the reason. I am more inclined to believe that Jamie Lynn Spears, Britney Spears, Nicole Ritchie, or Ashlee Simpson – to name just a few. After all, in my humble opinion, in the last few years it has been glamorous to be a mom. And all of these women – and I’m not saying that they shouldn’t – gush over their children. But, the simple fact is that these very young women have money. Therefore, they can afford these children. They can afford nannies to continue school or their careers. They can afford diapers and food.

For the most part, their fans cannot. But, it is not surprising to me that teen pregnancy is starting to rise. This article touches upon a multitude of scary truths.

Teen pregnancy is intriguing to me – maybe because it is the opposite of my situation – I feel fear and compassion for the unborn child. I feel as if the circumstances are a tragedy, but that the child is a blessing. My interest has escalated in the new reality show on NBC entitled Baby Borrowers. It is too late for these 17 girls, but it may help others, after all, as the show states “It may be the best birth control.”

I think it may be very true considering this quote from a teen mother in the Time article:

“But Amanda Ireland, who graduated from Gloucester High on June 8, thinks she knows why these girls wanted to get pregnant. Ireland, 18, gave birth her freshman year and says some of her now pregnant schoolmates regularly approached her in the hall, remarking how lucky she was to have a baby. "They're so excited to finally have someone to love them unconditionally," Ireland says. "I try to explain it's hard to feel loved when an infant is screaming to be fed at 3 a.m."

Maybe teen parents, should be asked to talk to the general school population to deglamourize children? They could tell them a little about their daily struggles and give others the reality of parenting – hard work!

As I get off my soap box, this is the latest:

The School Committee is now disputing that the girls made a pact. Instead, they are saying that the pact happened after the pregnancies. However, several of the girls’s baby daddy is a homeless twenty-four year old.

Because that makes it so much better.

How is it going?

OK, so according to my counter, I'm getting about the same number of views. Not a bad thing.

But, I am wondering - what do you think so far?

I know it hasn't even been a week! But can you tell that I'm feeling just slightly apprehensive?

Also, on the menu for the blog that is - My fitness struggle, What's in the news?, and Crazy thoughts of the day.

Is there anything else that you would like to read about?

What's for dinner?

I love food. As a result, I adore the Food Network, T*p Chef, and H*ll's Kitch*n. The chefs and their wonderful creations can and do mesmerize me for hours. Also, so does drama! Sometimes, I stumble upon a recipe that I think I can master, such as:

"Orzo with Sausage, Peppers and Tomatoes Recipe courtesy Giada De Laurentiis, 2008
See this recipe on air Saturday Jun. 14 at 7:30 AM ET/PT.

1 red bell pepper
1 orange bell pepper
1 pound orzo pasta
3 cups chicken stock
3 cups water
1 tablespoon kosher salt
2 tablespoons olive oil
7 ounces (2 links) mild Italian turkey sausage, casings removed
1 clove garlic, minced
2 plum tomatoes, chopped
1/4 teaspoon red pepper flakes, optional
2 tablespoons chopped fresh flat-leaf parsley
Salt and freshly ground black pepper
1/2 cup ricotta salata cheese, crumbled

Using tongs, place the bell peppers over a gas flame. Cook, turning occasionally, until the skins are charred on all sides, about 5 to 6 minutes. (Alternatively, place the peppers on a baking sheet and broil for 5 to 8 minutes, until charred.) Place the charred peppers in a medium bowl. Cover the bowl with plastic wrap and allow the peppers to steam for 20 minutes. Under running water, peel away the charred skin from the peppers. Pat the peppers dry with paper towels. Remove the stem and seeds from the peppers and cut into 1/4-inch thick slices. Set aside.
In a medium saucepan, bring the chicken stock, water, and kosher salt to a boil over high heat. Add the pasta and cook until tender but still firm to the bite, stirring occasionally, about 8 to 10 minutes.

While the pasta is cooking: In a large skillet, heat the oil over medium-high heat. Add the turkey sausage and saute until cooked through, about 4 minutes. Add the garlic and cook for 1 minute. Add the bell peppers, tomatoes, and red pepper flakes, if using, and cook until heated through, about 2 minutes.

Drain the pasta, reserving about 1/2 cup of the cooking liquid, and transfer to a large serving bowl. Add the sausage mixture, 1 tablespoon of the parsley, and season with salt and pepper, to taste. Toss well to combine all ingredients, adding reserved cooking liquid, if needed, to loosen the pasta. Top with the ricotta salata and sprinkle with the remaining parsley. Serve.

Recipe Summary
Prep Time: 10 minutes
Inactive Prep Time: 20 minutes
Cook Time: 10 minutes
Yield: 4 to 6 servings
User Rating:

Episode#: EI1209
Copyright © 2006 Television Food Network, G.P., All Rights Reserved"

So, it seemed simple enough, and something that my finicky husband would enjoy. As a result, an attempt and here is how it turned out.



Please note I made the following substitutions: instead of 1 orange bell pepper - 1 yellow bell pepper, 3 cups of chicken broth - 2 cups, 3 cups of water - 4 cups, plum tomatoes - vine strawberry tomatoes, double the sausage and spicy variety, double the garlic, ricotta salata cheese - three cheese grated (parmesan, romano & asiago).

I doubled the sausage because it was our main meal and it was initially presented as part of a picnic, while the other substitutions were out of convenience/necessity.

Also, the recipe and show both didn't explain this, but it you are new to roasting peppers - first you can buy them pre-roasted (who knew) and secondly - you need to deskin all of it. The texture is just not pleasant. Thank G-d I for once didn't follow the recipe exactly and deskinned before we got that far.

T gave it a thumbs up, so you know it was easy and that any one can do it. :) Baking is my thing - more on that for another day.

We both agreed that I would definitely use the ricotta salata next time or more of a crumbly and substantial cheese with a sprinkle of the grated to top things off. Also, T suggested using a raw pepper instead - but that is his preference he doesn't enjoy his peppers cooked.

Overall it was YUMMY and bound to be repeated soon in our home!

My Book Club Thoughts

Do you remember that I joined a book club? As a result, I thought I would start doing a monthly post regarding the books I'm reading. So here it goes:



The first novel was Rebecca by Daphne du M*urier, an excellent story with intrigue and suspense. It delves into social status, second marriages, and regrets. I really enjoyed it - despite the fact I was aggravated by not knowing the narrators name! Also, it left me feeling if I would like the nemisis if only I knew her side. Kind of like with Wick*d? (A novel I loved simply for the fact that it reminded me that sometimes - you need to know where someone is coming from to understand his/her actions.)



The second book, The Hum*an Stain by Philip Roth.

The Hum*n Stain is a story full of irony. In the attempt of becoming "a new being" the main characters threw away pieces of themselves. They all had a secret which they believed plagued them in society. As a result, they believed by shedding themselves of these characteristics allowed them to overcome society. In the end, these same characteristics may have been a partial reason for their destruction. In the back drop is the story of Bill and M*nica.

It brought me back to the summer of 1998. My first job out of college in the Senator's office. My primary responsibility, to listen to hundreds of people complain that the President got a bl*w job in the Ov*l Office. Yes, after that job, I jumped everytime a phone rang. Five hundred calls a day explaining to so many that Bill was not the first nor the last president to have an affair in office. Actually, it has been historically established that every president since FDR has had an affair. (Not sure about our current or Reag*n.)

But, I am digressing.

The Novel brought up so many social and ethical questions. Topics such as Veterans, domestic abuse, segregation, etc. At times, it was repulsive to me and yet it always made me think.

Ironically, it left me feeling like everyone should have a Sylvia - after feeling disgusted by Mrs. Danvers.

Has anyone read these novels or scene the movies? I'm actually curious if the movie for the Human Stain was well done. Obviously Reb*cca must be a great movie - it was done by Alfred Hitchc*ck - but thoughts opinions?

The next book is an autobiography by Ben*zir Bhutt*, Daughter of D*stiny.

The Me Meme

Guess who has been tagged by the lovely LoriBeth. If you haven't been tagged, please consider yourself so!

1. What were you doing 10 years ago?

Ten years ago, I graduated from college, and moved back home. Almost exactly to the day, I went to my first interview for a job in a Senator’s office that I was over qualified for, but thought it was a foot in the door. I got the job with the caveat that I would be eligible to apply for the job I wanted in a few months.

What I learned, you never take a job in hopes of another, especially in a political office. Since, they usually know who they “owe” that job too – even if you would be better for it.

2. What 5 things are on your to-do list for today?

1. Call my Dad and wish him a Happy Father's Day! (We are celebrating next week when my sister comes home.)
2. Feed the Boy and Girl (Kitties).
3. Download music to my Dad's Father Day gift - an IP*D Shuffle.
4. Read
5. Go to the movies? Indiana J*nes?

3. List some snacks you enjoy.

1. Hershey’s Nuggets
2. Flavored Sparkling Water
3. Iced Coffee with milk and sugar
4. Kashi Roasted Almond Crunch
5. Almonds

4. What would you do with a billion dollars?

1. Buy a townhouse with three bedrooms, two baths and basement in MA.
2. Travel the world.
3. Buy smaller homes in three of my favorite places.
4. Go back to school forever.
5. Create a fund for individuals who don’t have insurance which includes for fertility testing and treatment.
6. Donate to the Brain Tumor Society, Make a Wish, and the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation.

5. List the places you have lived

1. Massachusetts – Town South of Boston/Route 24;
2. Scranton, Pennsylvania; and
3. Massachusetts – Town East of Boston/Route 3.

6. List the jobs you have had.

1. Babysitter;
2. Bagger, Shaw’s Supermarkets;
3. Cashier, Shaw’s Supermarkets;
4. Temp (At a knickknack place, with a priest, and T*lbots).
5. Staff Member/Receptionist at a Senator’s Office;
6. Legal Assistant at a Bank (It announced a merger two weeks after I accepted the position!)
7. Immigration Paralegal
8. In-house Paralegal (Immigration, Employment, and Corporate)

Evolution

Happy 2 year blog anniversary to me! And 300th post!

A few other stats which I found interesting:

I’ve had 36,134 site visits, 2,217 profile views, and 1,673 comments.

So every one who has ever come to visit and especially for all who have left me a comment, thank you!

My little blog started because I had so many things rolling around in my head regarding infertility. It at first was avoiding my physical and mental explosion, then it turned into a chronicle of our infertility treatments and ode to our unborn child(ren), and it eventually reverted back to my pensieve.

All in all, it has been my cathartic therapy and you all my care givers in a difficult time.

During an interview, I had someone say to me, “You are what you present yourself to be. There is no hiding with you.” I was initially shocked by this assessment after taking a personality test – because it was so true. For the past two years, this blog has been me - reflective, sad, mournful, and one dimensional.

Since stopping treatment, nine months ago, I realized that I am more than my infertility; but, at the same time, I had forgotten who that was. With the help of T, I’ve been able to recapture a bit of myself.

In the spirit that time heals all wounds, I’ve come to a conclusion that my whole is greater than my sum of my parts. As a result, I am planning on nurturing all of my parts.

To be clear, I would describe myself in the following words:

American, baker, blogger, brown eyed, brunette, calligraphist, Catholic, college grad, cousin, crafter, daughter, Democrat, ditzy, evolving, fair, feminist, friend, granddaughter, law abiding, lover of history, infertile, inquisitive, Liberal, kitty momma, multi-lingual, niece, paralegal, Portuguese, quick to laugh, reader, shoe aficionado, straight shooter, sister, strong, student, tall, thoughtful, traveler, wife, woman, yogi.

Ultimately, infertility will always be a part of me, hence a part of this blog. However, I will be focusing more on my other parts. And I know this is the right choice for me. Since making this decision, I've had to put myself on hold on blogging, I actually have five posts written - I wanted this post to be my 300th - the official turning point. But, I realized I have so much to talk about (books, the news, cooking, yoga, etc.).

I realize that by venturing outside the IF community, I may come across individuals who have strong beliefs against ART. As a result, I’ve only listed non-infertility blogs that interest me or password protected blogs (that I am unable to access thru G**gle reader). Please note, I’ve transferred my previous list and will continue to read and comment.

Truly, I hope that you will continue to read, comment, and get to know a little bit more about me. But, I will also understand if you decide not to.

Please know that I don’t believe in change for the sake of change, but I do believe in evolution. To me, this is the beginning of mine, my evolution to my new self. Knowing where I’ve come from, knowing my separate parts, and knowing that I am greater than all of my parts. (May be this is what it means for me to live without children?)

Thank you and welcome – I hope you stay for another two years and 300 posts.

Happy Birthday!

Happy Birthday to me,
Happy Birthday to me,
Happy Birthday dear Dianne,
Happy Birthday to you!

My 32nd. For some reason, I'm hopeful in what it will bring.

If you need a good laugh, my dear T got me this, perfect for the girl who gets lost in her home town! (By the way, it isn't exactly the one he got, but you get the point.)

Remember, my next post on Friday, will commemorate my 2nd blogaversary and 300th post! WOO HOO!

Show and Tell

A coffee cup? Yes, a coffee cup.

Almost fourteen years ago, I left home for college. It was a big change for me. I was the first of my family to go away, and only the second to attend college. Many things were against me, including male family members. But, I had determination.

My childhood friend A, my first best friend, gave me a coffee mug of the Little Prince. I adored that mug. It gave me comfort being so far away from home, family and friends. Every time I felt a little sad or overwhelmed, I'd make hot chocolate and use my special mug.

A few months into school, my floor mate was using my mug. When it accidentally broke. I could see the horror in her face which mirrored mine.

That afternoon she gave me the mug that is pictured above. This mug has always been special to me. It represented to me the beginning of that friendship. Even if we have lost touch, I always remember her fondly. It is the mug I always grab for first.

It brings me comfort in the same way as the first one did. Because it came from a friend. Who wanted to make it better. It seems to have some magical element to it.

Even thought my drink of choice now is coffee. It always makes me feel loved.

Simply a wonderful time.

Last weekend I went to visit friends in Virginia. This get-a-way was in place of my ten year college reunion. (GASP! It has been that long!)

Instead, I had a bit of girls weekend with my friend and former roommate J. Fourteen years ago, we were placed together by a computer. If I ever saw that computer, I think it would be fitting to give it a place of honor in my home for it was truly brilliant.

The trip to her new home was wonderful. I was shown around the beautiful college town. The weather perfect with blue skies and high eighties and low nineties. So much to do with activity after activity and the people! (We went to S*x and the City, a dog show, a farmer's market, and a polo match.)

It was perfect!

The best part was our heart to hearts. I miss my J - so much. I have been very blessed by my friend. She has been there ever since that faithful computer placed us together. A friend for life.

I'm leaving on a jet plane...

to see a few friends! And I'm very excited.

Things I realized today:

1. My 2 year blog anniversary is June 13th; and
2. This is my 296 post!

So, planning a post for June 13th that will cellebrate my 2 years and commerate my 300th post. Excited? Do you feel the anticipation?

Also, don't get worried if you see some changes on the blog. I finally created a feed - much easier to read. So, I'm doing a little editing.

Lastly, please don't click for AMS's new "best day ever"!

A NEW DAY - PLEASE CLICK MAY 29, 2008!!!

I'm reposting this request. Tomorrow is the day to make a new day for AMS. This is a such a small thing, but it will make a huge difference. Please click. Thank you!


A New Day from Stirrup Queens and Sperm Palace Jesters by The Town Criers

I ask you to do a lot. This time, it is simply a small click. Perhaps more than once during the day, maybe moving around to different computers if you work in a space with multiple computers. I, for one, am hitting a local library where I can log-on each computer and click once.

It is such an enormously small thing--a click.

The day that Allison lost Zoë is forever marked her "best day ever" on Wordpress because it is the day that the most people visited her blog. For her own emotional well-being, she needs this post to be taken off her blog dashboard. The way to do that is to create a new record for visits to her blog.

On Thursday, May 29, please click on Allison's blog, Our Own Creation, and help replace that post with whatever is currently up on her blog that day. Everyone needs to visit on the same day--May 29th--because if we simply click throughout the week, it won't bump the day she lost Zoë from that section of the dashboard. I am writing this now to give us time to spread the word. Take the graphic I created and place it on your own blog. Don't worry--I'll remind you to click that day.

We need 2,350 people to visit Our Own Creation on May 29th. We need 1,785 people visit Sweet Zoë.

We just raised $3000 for a FET. We can raise a couple thousand hits. Are you with me?

Can this be U.T.E.R.U.S.'s last spring fling before we have a quick nap? Isn't it all about sending love when it really comes down to it? Reminding a person that they're never alone in all of this?

The Election

This article could have been written about myself and my beloved. Although, we have been married/together long enough that we acknowledge the fact that we cancel eachother out.

But, after the 2004 election, I was in a state of morning until the inauguration. T still talks about with a snicker. Err....Republicans!

The roles have reversed - since T isn't a 100% proud of what his candidate has done in the last eight years.

'I Don't Know Who I'm Married To'
Political differences shake bipartisan relationships
By Jeremy Egner

Lindsay Wright had been married to her husband, Brian, for only a few months last fall when she realized their relationship wasn't as harmonious as she had thought.

In fact, she recalled recently, things were cruising along nicely until a casual kitchen-table revelation rocked the Wrights' newlywed bliss.

"It was like an explosion went off within our house," says Lindsay, a Phoenix attorney.

What triggered the flare-up and the two days of bickering that followed? Some financial blunder? An admission of infidelity?

Actually, it was an online candidate quiz.

Brian, it seems, wasn't as conservative as Lindsay, a longtime registered Republican, had believed. He expressed sentiments while they were dating that led Lindsay to think they saw eye to eye politically, she says. But as Brian answered quiz questions about his political positions, Lindsay learned that they held nearly opposite views on hot-button issues such as Social Security and gun control, among others.

"Health care, oh God, that was huge," Lindsay says, audibly exasperated. "I called my friend the next day and said, 'I don't know who I'm married to.'"

Political differences don't generate as much heat as other marital friction points, such as disagreements over finances or parenting strategy, according to couples therapists and other experts.

Notable couples such as Mary Matalin and James Carville, married political consultants from opposite parties, prove that bipartisan relationships can and do work. Only 15 percent of respondents to a January survey by Engage.com, an online matchmaking site, said they would not date someone simply because they belonged to a different party.

But during the election season, political differences between partners become magnified as stump rhetoric intensifies, yard signs proliferate and wall-to-wall campaign coverage consumes even the most casual political observer.

As a result, cracks can emerge in the shaky détente forged by couples who normally agree to disagree politically, say those living amid the crossfire.

"Our differences never gave me pause about our relationship," says Beth, a self- described "flaming liberal" Washington attorney who declined to give her last name because she works with government agencies. "But when he voted to re-elect George W. Bush, it set me off. I was literally angry and I yelled at him."

Had the couple lived in a so-called swing state instead of overwhelmingly Democratic D.C., "I might have divorced him at that moment," she says.

Beth, who was pregnant at the time, admitted that "hormones" might have fueled her vitriol. But her husband isn't taking any chances.

"Now he doesn't tell me who he's voting for," Beth says.

Different, not wrong
Is secrecy the key to forming a more perfect union between political opposites?

A more positive approach, say couples therapists, is for partners to learn how to disagree without making it personal.

That's easier said than done. Broad political affiliations comprise many specific and often quite personal stances on issues that affect nearly every facet of life.

Tina Tessina, a Long Beach, Calif.-based therapist and author of "Money, Sex, and Kids: Stop Fighting About the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage," acknowledges that individuals' political beliefs about how the U.S. should care for the poor and the sick, defend its citizens and pay for its schools and roads are closely tied to how they define themselves as people. In other words, when someone says your positions on these issues are wrong, it's easy to interpret it as a personal attack and respond in kind.

"You get into a courtroom drama, trying to prove that your side is right by saying bad things about the other person's point of view," Tessina says. "The minute you get into who's right and who's wrong, you have a never-ending battle because a person is always right from his or her own perspective."

Communicating political differences
Linda Olson, a clinical psychologist and therapist based in New Canaan, Conn., teaches quarrelsome couples a three-step communication process based on "hearing, validating and empathizing," she says.

The first sounds self-explanatory but instructs people to actually listen to what their partners are saying rather than simply plot their counterattacks. Validation comes when someone acknowledges that a partner or spouse is making a reasonable point, even if it's not one that he or she agrees with, Olson says.

"It's not about agreeing with a person," she says. "It's being able to see and hear another person's point of view."

Empathy, the "hardest piece," comes when a spouse summons enough compassion to understand, based on what's been said, how a partner can feel the way they do, Olson says.

Such systematic approaches don't come naturally. But once mastered, they can be applied to all sorts of conflicts, political and otherwise.

"It's not unlike learning to play golf or a sport," Olson says. "It's all about building skills."

To each his own
It doesn't help that political media coverage reinforces the "right vs. wrong" dynamic by obsessing over the horse-race aspect of elections, Tessina notes.

"They treat it like a sporting event instead of as intelligent discourse," she says. "But when you're talking with your partner, intelligent discourse is really, really important."

Since the blowup last fall, the Wrights have learned to tread more carefully around touchy issues, Lindsay says. They do agree on some controversial subjects such as abortion and gay marriage. Lindsay would register as an Independent if it still allowed her to vote in primaries, she says, and tend to discuss such topics more often than contentious ones.

Where they differ, they try to remain civil instead of "getting passionate about it," she says. As long as Brian's position seems well considered, she can respect it, she says.

Love, kids & politics
Together for nearly 25 years, Judy and Joe Musa of Middletown, N.J., have had plenty of time to practice setting partisanship aside in the name of a happy home.

Joe, a pastry chef, is a registered Republican who campaigned for Ronald Reagan in the 1980s. Judy, a public relations and marketing professional, is a liberal Independent, she says.

"This is the woman I love; what can I tell you?" Joe says. "We just have to go on realizing that we cancel each other out."

The current election has been somewhat calmer than past contests, Joe says, because neither partner is thrilled by the choices.

"I have issues with my guy, and she has issues with the two on her side," he says. "I'm just going to hold my nose and pull the lever."

The Musas toned down their occasionally heated political spats after they had children, Judy says. Their kids, ages 6 and 4, are too young to distinguish between political debates and actual fights, she says.

But what happens when they get a little older? Will the Musas vie to sway their kids' political affiliation?

"Actually, I like that my kids will realize that there are many points of view in America," Judy says. "Nobody's perfect, nobody's right. Everybody's allowed to have their own opinion."

"I have to say, I'm the one who writes the check out for Joe's subscription to the National Review," Judy says. "I'm open-minded enough to say, 'If you want to read that thing, go read it.'"

"What can I say?" she adds. "I'm a loving wife."

Please help.

A New Dayfrom Stirrup Queens and Sperm Palace Jesters by The Town Criers

I ask you to do a lot. This time, it is simply a small click. Perhaps more than once during the day, maybe moving around to different computers if you work in a space with multiple computers. I, for one, am hitting a local library where I can log-on each computer and click once.

It is such an enormously small thing--a click.

The day that Allison lost Zoë is forever marked her "best day ever" on Wordpress because it is the day that the most people visited her blog. For her own emotional well-being, she needs this post to be taken off her blog dashboard. The way to do that is to create a new record for visits to her blog.

On Thursday, May 29, please click on Allison's blog, Our Own Creation, and help replace that post with whatever is currently up on her blog that day. Everyone needs to visit on the same day--May 29th--because if we simply click throughout the week, it won't bump the day she lost Zoë from that section of the dashboard. I am writing this now to give us time to spread the word. Take the graphic I created and place it on your own blog. Don't worry--I'll remind you to click that day.

We need 2,350 people to visit Our Own Creation on May 29th. We need 1,785 people visit Sweet Zoë.

We just raised $3000 for a FET. We can raise a couple thousand hits. Are you with me?

Can this be U.T.E.R.U.S.'s last spring fling before we have a quick nap? Isn't it all about sending love when it really comes down to it? Reminding a person that they're never alone in all of this?

My first experience with Pilates....

On Monday, I ventured to the gym for my first Pilates class.

I felt accomplished before the teacher started - I introduced myself to three women! Then we started to perform pilates. My stomach muscles were the first to quiver. I thought to myself, oh boy.

About twenty minutes into the class, I realized I was in a bit of trouble.

And by the end, I knew I was in trouble and pain.

It only continued into Tuesday, that night, T openly laughed at me. You know it is bad, when I was grunting in my sleep trying to find a comfortable spot.

By Wednesday, I was still sore, but thought that movement might help. So I went back to the gym. This time I avoided the pilates class and used the bike.

Once I got home I did some yoga stretches specifically for the hips. And today I feel better.

I know why people do pilates, you most definitely will get into shape - if you do it consistently. But, is there a way to do it without the pain?

I guess that is where "no pain, no gain" comes from.

My former boss...

I worked for him as an intern and as staff member. In that year, I met him only three times and he would never be able to pick me out of a line up. But, the news regarding his health issues, saddens me.

Ironically, his tumor (at this preliminary stage of information) is identical to my cousin Bobby's tumor.

I feel guilty, and my thoughts and prayers are with him, but, at least, there will be a recognizable face to be associated with this terrible infliction. Awareness and hopefully promotion of organizations like the Brain Tumor Society will aid finding a cure.

I'd like to think that his death (and Bobby's) will not be in vane.

Pleasing myself.

This weekend with a minor break down/break though. I came to a few realizations with T’s help.

In the last few weeks, I’ve been sad for a few reasons:

1. My friends are few and far between.
2. I feel lost and need to find my plan B.

Most of my friends don’t live around here. I have a few acquaintances which have potential to be better friends, but I don’t always reach out. I automatically assume individuals are too busy and they may be, but who am I to say? Unless I ask, I’ll never know.

Also, I don’t network or make friends easily. I need to get out there and meet people. It is something that I’ve tried before, but admittedly with no success. I am a little shy in that respect and usually let people come to me. But, since that isn’t working, I am on a mission.

Today was a little slow at work. With some extra time and my recent realization, I found two book clubs, a few pilates and yoga classes, and a graduate program which interests me. Hopefully that will open a few doors.

I also found a graduate program that interests me, looking into the possibility of taking a class in the fall – to try it out.

Lets see what happens with plan B.

Conversations which continued the twist.....

I received a call from my mother. She starts off normally. "Where are you? Have you eaten? What are you making for dinner? How is T?"

The general questions that she asks out of obligation. Never to really hear my answers or acknowledge me.

She goes on. "I wonder when M and M will start to have kids."

I respond, "You know they may not be able to, shit happens."

She responds, "Don't say that! Don't wish anything bad on your sister!"

I respond, "Is that what happened to me, someone wished something bad on me? Shit happens. Life doesn't go as planned. It may not happen."

I think to myself, and your pressure is not helping nor is it going to move things along.

She responds, "I need to go."

"O.K., bye."

*****

My sister, her friend and I are having lunch/dinner after an eight hour shopping trip. Our feet hurt and our hands are full. The conversation changes:

M: "M thinks we should start "trying" next May after S & S's wedding. When we will be in great shape."

Me: "You are all ready in great shape. How about T's birthday cruise?"

M: "I know I'm in good shape, I guess it is for him. (Said with a smile.) We are definitely going on the cruise. Babies can go?" (I shake my head yes.)

M's Friend: "Not that you have to worry about his body, your body is the one that will be changing!" (We all laugh.)

M: "M thinks we will get pregnant quick. You know he thinks he has super sperm."

Me: "I hope you have a few super eggs." (We all laugh.)

M's Friend: "Exactly."

M: "I know. Hopefully it will work out. Mom is all ready sitting me down and asking if I want kids. She is worried what to do with herself. And she is worried about what do with her money."

Me: "I hope you get pregnant quickly. I'll talk to her."

*****

We are celebrating Mother's day a day early. Since M & M need to leave for the Island the next day to work. My sister, myself and my mother are sitting waiting for a table. The boys are outside enjoying themselves catching up.

Me: "Who closed my bag?" (It's a bucket style.)

M: With a giggle, "I did."

Mom: "Oh she didn't know that she could close the bag?"

M: "She knew that she could close the bag, she isn't stupid."
(M and I look at eachother in amazement. When my mind flashes to other conversations.)

Me: "She thinks I'm stupid. (Said with realization.) She did try to tell me that I was having sex wrong."

M: "What?"

Mom: "I never said that?"

Me: "Just like you never said that I was a disgrace and disappointment if I never gave you grandchildren? Like that time?"

Mom: Looks away. "I never said that."

M: Said to me, but my mother is in the middle of us. "Do you know she is all stressed about us possibly having kids on the Island? Who will help us take care of the baby?"

Me: Said to my mother, "Why don't you move?" Silently praying that she does. So that it can be M's responsibility to try and please her.

M: Looking at my mother, "I will not try as hard as Dianne did."
Silence for a short while.

*****

We are all sitting down. The waitress starts to take our orders. My mother is hemming and hawing. She prefers to order what I or M are ordering. But, she doesn't want what we are having.

I look at T and say, "I'll just order the filet."
T: "Why?"
M: "Because she is trying to please Mom."

I realize that she is right, I'm always trying to please a woman who is never happy. I order what I wanted.

Then the waitress announced to our table she was pregnant and what kinds of food she is been enjoying off the menue.

I wished her well on my way out.

*****

On Thursday, I watched Grey's and it clicks why I've been letting all of these conversations and so many others - errode my mind and heart in the last week.

They are my loved ones and no one else is allowed to talk badly about them. She is my mother. The good, the bad, and the ugly.

I've refused to even vocalize it with T.

It is just that I've been able to accept her as a person for who she is, by trying to understand her past. Maybe by being an adult myself, I can understand why she is the way she is. But, when it comes to her as my mother, I don't understand. And am hurt by so many things.

My therapist said once that I wanted to be a mother to show my mother how it was done. There is so much truth in that statement. It is twisted.