It is what my blog is turning into. A pensieve in which I hold life events and thoughts that may potentially consume me.
The latest three:
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The future is no longer bright and sunny with endless possibilities to me. It is now, ominous and terrifying with limitations.
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While out with my mother yesterday, I noticed that she too see all the babies and pregnant ladies of the world. Unfortunately she can’t get over her own sadness about the situation so that she can talk to me about it. Instead of her trying to empathize, she can only think about how it is effecting her which causes her to say and do inconsiderate things to me. And as time goes by, the rift in our relationship deepens.
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My friend G last night told me that she saw my mother at a store. G was with her two children and her own mother. My mother proceeds to tell G and her mother, “No babies yet.” My mother has no idea whether or not G knows.
G and I were very close at one point, but life has gotten in the way and we don’t see each other all that often. So basically, my mother is outing me with people. So much for me keeping control of my circle of knowing.
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4 comments:
Pensieve is a good word. I find that if I write stuff on my blog, it feels better, like hey, it's over here, and now I don't have to think about it.
Love your pensieve analogy, it really reflects how I feel about my blog as well. Although I must admit that I regret exposing my pensieve to people I know in my local life. I wish I only had my bloggy friends peering in now.
The pensieve analogy is perfect. Especially because you can go backwards and start seeing the connections.
The outing thing is terrible. We had this happen too--right before a big family gathering. So the family gathering was spent with me trying to dodge speaking about a recent m/c that I wasn't prepared to talk about with anyone. It was terrible. Can you talk to her about this? About the position it puts you in when you speak with people and you don't know if they know or not?
My mother is the same way. It's all about her. I guess I knew this before I told her about our situation, but it still bothers me sometimes. Good luck finding a way to cope with it.
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