Thursday, February 08, 2007

Hope Diminishing? **TMI ALERT**

This cycle is has been an emotional roller-coaster. But, since when isn't infertility?

The text book symptoms:
1. The spotting on cd 10 and 11.
2. Gums bleeding when brushing teeth. (I take very good care of my teeth, this hardly happens!)
3. Drinking over 100 oz. of water.
4. Bloody nose.

Yet, yesterday when I started to cramp, I thought that could be it, the Fat Lady knocking before her grand performance. But, instead, nothing was accompanied with it, which is customary. Then this morning, I saw something that resemblems my "normal" spotting (which included only old blood).

So, hope is diminishing. If the Wicked Witch shows today, it should be no later than this afternoon, and hope will be gone.

Yes, I'll be sad, but I'll live; which is my biggest lesson during infertily.

But, a little part of me wants to believe, doesn't want to give out hope just yet. Because the Fat Lady hasn't performed yet. And there those symptoms, and cramps can sometimes be a symptom themselves. How about the fact, you HAD to go to bed last night. And maybe what you saw resulted from yoga last night, which was a more rigorous class.

So, ultimately, I guess I still have a little hope. Which to me is better than too much hope and none at all. By default, cautious optimism may have won out. Huh, who would've figured that?


Anonymous said...

Hang on! I am still sending all my hope your way!!

Nicole said...

Ah, hope it's an elusive little bugger. I am sending lots of positive thoughts your way though.