Empty

Thank you for your condolences and good thoughts. The prayers must have been working because my Aunt and Uncle were doing remarkably well yesterday.

The rest of the family, well, we each had our moments. It is truly WRONG to see a young person die. I always thought the next time I would be at a church for B, it would be for his wedding. He would have made a fantastic husband, father, and grandfather.

It was so hard to see him being buried near my Grandmother, and so comforting at the same time. My Aunt will be buried near her son and my Uncle will be buried near his mother when it is all said and done. Hopefully not for many years to come.

I see my cousins, B's siblings, and my heart breaks over and over. I think of the bond I have with my own sister and I know that they must be inconsolable. However, they are going on.

I notice the family. We don't necessarily like each other, but we always love each other. There is a significant difference. This love is evident this past week.

Last, but certainly not least, I realize what a good husband I have. He totally stepped up, and I realize it is because he has made my family his. In every sense. For this I am so grateful considering I couldn't say the same for all of my cousins' chosen spouses. But each of the ones who I noticed this in, I thanked them. Since I appreciated them for holding us up, when we had no strength.

With so much love present, I feel empty. Numb to everything else. Grief leaves me this way. It is almost like an overload of feelings that drains me to nothing. Especially since I know that nothing will be the same, I don't feel the same.

Change. Death brings change. I don't always like change, but I know that it is needed. I just wish that this change didn't have to happen.