Do you know in a week, it will be my one year anniversary of blogging? Yes in one week. I'm amazed. Mostly because this year has had so many changes - which this cruise allowed me to completely think of - and gain some additional peace.
You may be asking how did you have such an elightened experience on a cruise?
Well, it was a great week. Despite the fact that T got a second degree sunburn on our second day. Because of that I was left to my own devices for a few days. But, what I found is that - for me - it is easier to pretend that fertility or infertility is not an issue. And that if I forget that one portion of my life, I am happy. WOW!
I can find things to do with my time that I enjoy. Read a book and get lost in the plot and characters. Go to yoga. Enjoy the sun with sunblock. Drink a fruity drink or relish my wine.
I can completely surrender to not having children. To accept us as a couple family.
The only thing that was reinforced this cruise is that I would be lonely at points. On the flip side it was also reinforced that if I make friends that loneliness will be minimal. Not to mention that having a child to counter loneliness isn't the wisest decision or reasoning.
I will post soon with photos of our travels. Because of the burn and the fact that I didn't feel comfortable getting off the boat by myself they are mostly of St. Martin and St. Thomas - which were both BEAUTIFUL! (Actually, I went online to price vacation to St. Thomas. It is on the short list of must get to that island and stay for a while.)
And no worries, we aren't getting off this road just yet. Remember we have our three injectible IUIs. Funniest part is that AF showed on Sunday our last day. She was trying to behave. My baseline was today, Gonal-f injections start tonight at the lowest dosage, and bloodwork on Sunday.
But, the cruise left me with the feeling that we will be OK. And in a weird way, I think our consoliation prize life which will come after giving the infertility road will be nice - to say the least. And it is food for thought.
Oh if you were wondering about the title. I still am swaying. For some reason, for me, motion issues are worse when I return to land. Maybe it means I need to stay on the boat longer :).