Wednesday, June 06, 2007

Swaying Back to My Reality

Do you know in a week, it will be my one year anniversary of blogging? Yes in one week. I'm amazed. Mostly because this year has had so many changes - which this cruise allowed me to completely think of - and gain some additional peace.

You may be asking how did you have such an elightened experience on a cruise?

Well, it was a great week. Despite the fact that T got a second degree sunburn on our second day. Because of that I was left to my own devices for a few days. But, what I found is that - for me - it is easier to pretend that fertility or infertility is not an issue. And that if I forget that one portion of my life, I am happy. WOW!

I can find things to do with my time that I enjoy. Read a book and get lost in the plot and characters. Go to yoga. Enjoy the sun with sunblock. Drink a fruity drink or relish my wine.

I can completely surrender to not having children. To accept us as a couple family.

The only thing that was reinforced this cruise is that I would be lonely at points. On the flip side it was also reinforced that if I make friends that loneliness will be minimal. Not to mention that having a child to counter loneliness isn't the wisest decision or reasoning.

I will post soon with photos of our travels. Because of the burn and the fact that I didn't feel comfortable getting off the boat by myself they are mostly of St. Martin and St. Thomas - which were both BEAUTIFUL! (Actually, I went online to price vacation to St. Thomas. It is on the short list of must get to that island and stay for a while.)

And no worries, we aren't getting off this road just yet. Remember we have our three injectible IUIs. Funniest part is that AF showed on Sunday our last day. She was trying to behave. My baseline was today, Gonal-f injections start tonight at the lowest dosage, and bloodwork on Sunday.

But, the cruise left me with the feeling that we will be OK. And in a weird way, I think our consoliation prize life which will come after giving the infertility road will be nice - to say the least. And it is food for thought.

Oh if you were wondering about the title. I still am swaying. For some reason, for me, motion issues are worse when I return to land. Maybe it means I need to stay on the boat longer :).


Somewhat Ordinary said...

Welcome back! I can't wait to see some pictures.

JJ said...

Welcome back! And I look forward to pictures!

I have swayed both times for a few days after both the cruises I went on--STRANGE feeling for sure.

You sound SO rested and at a good place--so happy for you=)

Samantha said...

Welcome back! It sounds like a wonderful trip, and I hope your husband is recovering from his sunburn.

Best of luck with this cycle.

PCOSMama said...

Sounds like that cruise was exactly what you needed! Glad you are in a happy place!
Still wishing you luck with this cycle though!!
Oh, and PLEASE post vacation pics soon! I'm dying for a vacation so I need to live vicariously through you!

Mama Bear said...

Welcome back from what sounds like a very relaxing (and therapeutic) trip! I'm glad you had such a wonderful time (though I'm sorry about your husband's horrible burn!). And, it's wonderful to be able to start to at least picture life beyond IF. Picturing it is really the first step to making the important decisions and coming to terms with it...

Can't wait to see your photos!

Anonymous said...

Glad you are home safely--it sounds like a fantastic trip! When you get back to St. Thomas be sure to go to St. John and also some of the British Virgin Islands--they are unbelievably beautiful and not nearly as commercial as St. Thomas.

LJ said...

Welcome back, I'm glad you both had a wonderful time. I can't wait to see the pictures.

It's nice to take a step away sometimes :)

mandolyn said...

It sounds like you had quite the trip. It's so nice to be able to take time to breathe every now and then. I'll be checking back for these pictures, too!

Susan said...

Sounds like that vacation was just what the doctor ordered. You will be okay with whatever happens. I know it.