Thursday, August 16, 2007


What an ugly word. No one is ever satisfied, no one is ever content. It is a constant struggle.

But oddly, it is making me feel as if I am getting a bit of control back.

So this diet, has led me to think about my weight issues.

1-19: Under weight. At one point, 5 ft 7 in I weighed 115 pounds, my then doctor accused me of being annorexic. My mother quickly said "Her, she eats more than her father."

19-25: Grew two more inches for my now height of 5 ft 9 in. And got mono. Yes that lovely ailment that literally kicked my a$$ for about six months and changed my metabolism. In six months of illness, I gained 30 pounds. It does make sense, since all I did was eat and sleep. A little studying was thrown in (my Freshmen year).

Yup, loads of fun. My mom, God love her, told me I was fat. (Thanks Mom, if you compare anyone to your nieces, they would be considered fat. Considering they are aneroxic and between 2 to 9 inches shorter than me.) After watching my food consumption, I went down to 135 for several years.

26-28: Met T. Gained 10 pounds. 145. Actually, at what 5 ft 9 in is suppose to be at.

28: I get off the pill, start this journey of trying to conceive. Gain 5 pounds. I'm up to 150.

29-30: Gain 5 pounds, I'm up to 155. Struggle to loose those five pounds every few months. Fluctuate between 150 and 155.

31: At June 1st, I weighed 150, by the end of July and two crazy cycles, I gained 7 pounds.

Yup, that is what did it. Those additional seven pounds about put me over the edge. I've been wearing the same few pants for the last several weeks. Actually, getting very sick of them.

I found that no matter how healthy I was eating, I was gaining weight. It is extremely frustrating, because the only thing I can blame it on are the medications. So out of my control. UGH. I guess this cancelling is a blessing in disguise. Because my total and absolute disgust with my body has led me to this diet.

So this diet. It is actually healthy, which I usually eat that way too. It only brings to my attention portion size. (And this is where I have found I was going terribly wrong.) It also promotes a balance of protein, carbs, and fat. It is suppose to help with hormone and insulin levels. It may become a permanent life style change. With all of that in mind, I feel like it may actually do what I need it to do.

Help me loose weight, and maintain it while I am on a crazy cycle. (Oh yeah, where is my ovulation or period. I HAVE NO IDEA. Need to call the doctor.)

In addition, I've walked Monday, Tuesday, and today. Went to yoga yesterday. So far, I've lost 4 pounds. Very excited! Now only if my stomach could shrink so that I won't be HUNGRY all of the time. :).


Somewhat Ordinary said...

Kudos for losing 4 pounds so far! That is great. Hopefully the next time you put on a little weight it will be for all the right reasons!

JJ said...

Awesome goals, and way to go for your progress already! Im starting my goals on Monday...getting my house cleared of junk food!

BigP's Heather said...

I have to say, those four pounds make a difference - you already look skinnier to me, Girl!

I feel your pain, I've been under 100 pounds and up to 245 in only a few years...I love and hate food all at the same time.

LJ said...

Oh I totally know where you're coming from.

Similar stuff going on for me.

Mama Bear said...

This cycling and roller coaster can be so tough. Good for you for doing yoga and for the walking! I hope that you start to feel better all around.

Samantha said...

It's hard to keep healthy during all of the cycling. I hope the diet works for you. Just keep in mind, even though your body weight may be a little higher right now than you want, you're still not in the "overweight" range. So don't beat yourself up too badly.

Anonymous said...

Good luck with the diet. I think your weight sounds quite normal, and certainly your BMI is, but I understand the "control." I definitely feel better about IF when people comment that I appear to have lost weight. It's almost as though I want to make very very clear to the world that no, I am not pregnant yet.

TeamWinks said...

My doc put me on an 1100 to 1400 cal diet, with three meals a day and two snacks. Each meal had to have some protein in it. No more than 20 grams of saturated fat or 100 grams of carbs. It did drop my insulin from 14 to 7. So, that was progress. As far as the hungry all the time, walnuts have helped. Google walnuts and grehlin. :-)