Tuesday, January 30, 2007


(Please note that I know this will sound harsh, and I apologize. Because I know they are being said with only kindness, and there is a point to this entry. It won’t be what you think either.)

I hate them. Infertility makes many people feel a loss and they revert to them. You know the ones:

1. Everything happens for a reason.
2. It takes time.
3. It’ll happen, if it is meant to be.
4. You are doing everything you can do, now you need to be patient.

They all construe the truth.

Everything doesn’t happen for a reason. Shit happens which in my book equals to life happens. So, please excuse me, but I really don’t think God has total control over anything that happens here on Earth. And he gave up control sometime around Noah’s Ark.

Genesis 8: "Never again will I curse the ground because of man, even though every inclination of his heart is evil from childhood. And never again will I destroy all living creatures, as I have done. As long as the earth endures, seedtime and harvest, cold and heat, summer and winter, day and night will never cease."

(I do believe in miracles, intercession, etc. but those are different.)

Ironically, I realized today, that I am the QUEEN of the platitude.

A little background is needed. My last job before my current position dealt with a type of law that affected a person very personally. The stress in these government applications was enormous considering it effected their livelihood, their families livelihoods, and their futures. I’m not exaggerating. Because of 911 etc., these applications became even more arduous and time consuming. Some applications took 2 to 3 years to be decided upon and most of these people were trapped in what ifs.

Similar life altering stress to what we experience during infertility, such as: loss of control, only being partially active, and life altering. Yes, these people understood many of the feelings I’ve had in the last few years. And I like to think, I was always kind to them. Tried to be sympathetic of their situation, after all I am first generation, what they were going thru wasn’t out of the realm of my world.

But, I would give them platitudes all of the time. And all of the ones listed above, I said to one or more people. CRAP, could it be bad karma? What comes around, goes around? I could be in serious trouble. Oh boy!


Kir said...

I catch myself doing it too. And I hate myself once it's out of my mouth. I think that IF has made me more aware of what I say before I say it, but it hasn't changed everyhing. I feel pretty badly about that. I hate when I say something that is meant to be comforting or consoling and then I back away and realize I didn't say the right thing at all.

I guess the only thing to do is just to try not to do it. I don't beat myself up over it, just learn the lesson and move on.

Great post!!!!

Aurelia said...

We have all done it at some point. I actually attempted to memorize some "new" platitudes once...did not work so wwll, I just ended up forgetting them...

Hey Dianne...I subscribed to you on bloglines, but I'm not picking up your feed. Is it turned on?