What do you want to be when you grow up?

When I was a kid, I used to say lawyer. But within the first two years in the legal field, I found that it wasn't like Matloc.k and I decided that it really wasn't what I wanted.

So the answer changed to, I want to be a mom.

It was a surprise to me as much as everyone else. Since I always thought of being a mom as being a side job. (My mom worked when I was a kid, she still does.) It probably had to do with life circumstances, well at least a little bit. When I realized that law school wasn't in the cards, I also met my husband. And the maternal instinct kicked in to high gear. So, for the last seven years, I have wanted to be a Mom, still do.

And I pursued another position within the legal field that would allow me to be a mom. I like my current job, but since I graduated in 1998 and survived several mergers and acquisitions, I know that it probably isn't permanent.

Since, I have been contemplating cautious optimism, I figured out that my husband's theory is right. In order to practice cautious optimism, you have to be OK with any of the results. (More on that later in another post.)

So, that has left me with all of the options that may happen. And one of them is living childfree.

(Adoption is also an option, but for me to play the game correctly, I need to think of all the options because who knows if T would want to adopt? His brain doesn't work like mine. He has no need or want to think of scenarios before he has to.)

To analyze whether or not I would be OK with it. As my brain works, I've come to the conclusion that if I become OK with it, I need to come up with a new "What I want to be when I grow up?"

Since I was thinking that Mother.hood would be my full time career. I want a career that could take its place. Yes, I know that is a tall order. But, my plan B dream should have just as much meaning, enjoyment, satisfaction, no?

And I have no idea. (Wow, good thing I have a real life friend who is a career counselor. I may need to have her test me if I need to get off this quest for baby road.)

Funny, it doesn't really scare me that I have no idea. It kind of makes me feel young. And with so many options that I'm overwhelmed by them all. Something to think about besides infertility. I kind of like it.