Saturday, March 17, 2007

Why is it, when one thing goes right, another goes wrong?

*Please note that I posted this intoxicated, and have realized since that there were some errors. So, I've edited as appropriate.*

I am so aggravated. The funniest part, it has nothing to do about infertility. On that front, things are looking fine. I've been spotting since yesterday afternoon, AF is just around the corner. On early morning Monday, I will have my first dildo cam for a baseline ultrasound of the good old ovaries. Maybe we will get to see the cysts that go with Ovary Syndrome.

Today, I finished 154 save the dates and envelopes for my sister's wedding. I've been dealing with more aggravation than I can tell you. Her sister-in-law is a CUNT.

(Now if you know me in real life I've only refered to one other woman with that name. She was a boss that got me fired for a personality conflict. I still have dreams of her spontaneously combusting. She made my life MISERABLE for three years. The last year and half, I would wake up from deep sleep having panic attacks - I cried on my train ride home more than once. So you know that I don't use that word loosely.)

You may be asking than why does she deserve that title. Well, she has blamed me for everything. My sister lives on an island off of Massachusetts. It makes it difficult for her to come home. And she doesn't come back and forth since she has finished her degree (she did this for the last year and half.) So, many things have to go thru email and telephone.

She has done much of her planning on her own. And I've helped her when ever I can, that is why I am the Matron of honor. Now, I don't take that title lightly, anything she has asked, I've done. Including writing 154 save the date invitations. The envelopes aren't a big deal, they took me less than five hours. The invitations took me hours, days, weeks! They were a serious PAIN in the ass.

In addition to the save the dates, I've been instructed to do the engagement party invitations and envelopes (which were completed in September), wedding envelopes, and the seatting cards.

Last weekend, when I drove an hour to go to my sister's sister-in-law's house, to visit with her and her mother to fix the wedding list. They spewed their ideas on how things should be. I kept on saying, this is not my wedding, this is my sister's wedding. And this is what she wants. The mother of the groom asked to write the invitations for her side, I told her that my sister asked me to do it, that she wants it done in calligraphy. She asked not to write names on the inside of the wedding invitations, I told her that I have done invitations for three weddings and etiquett requires you to do the inside envelope. They told me not to send the invitations any earlier than two months - I told them, my sister wanted to do it three months in advance considering they have approximately 50 guests coming from the island (who would need hotel, air/boat, and a car). They told me that there was no need for a hotel reservations, I reminded them of the 50 guests. I didn't bother to tell them that I called the car rental place for a discount - thought that would bring them over the edge. After three hours of this crap, I was done. OUT...sent them the revised list via email - yes, I drove there, sat thru that crap, made the edits by hand, and then had to type everything out - because they refused to do it and send it to me.

It gets better.

The sister-in-law views me doing these things as taking over, she also thinks I'm taking over the bridal shower. Now, when I say this, I am not exagerating. I've done research on locations, found a place that would hold the 111 people that we need to invite. I asked the bridesmaids, including the sister-in-law for ideas for locations. Told her that my parents would be paying for location and food - approximately $3,000.

So, I went with my parents to various locations. Heck, there weren't many choices. After the five of them were thru with our options for dates, we only had three dates. With the number of invitees, we only had three locations that would comply. The choice was an easy one. So, my parents and I went to the location, tasted the food etc.

On that weekend, my parents and I went to the stores. I wanted to see what was out there for options for center pieces, etc. We went into a particular store and there were so many Nantucket items. And I thought my sister would really appreciate that we used a theme surrounding a place that is becoming her home. So, I went back to the bridesmaids.

They all agreed that we should go forth with the Nantucket theme. So, I went out and bought the vases, a cork board, and basket which all fit into that theme. Thought, wow, we are really getting a lot done.

When I threw out the theme idea, and before, I also included invitation ideas, wording invitation ideas, gift ideas, favor ideas etc. The invitations were over ruled with other suggestions. Favor ideas were over ruled by the sister-in-law. I took all this in stride. I liked the invitation and gift suggestions, and I rolled with the punches. I took the defeat on the favor suggestion. Tried to be complient. (The only one who objected was the sister-in-law.)

But the invitation wording, my sister's sister-in-law saw things one way. And I kept on bitting my lip, until she brought it to everyone's attention. And I spoke up. Yes, I realized it was probably going to cause problems before I started typing. But, I knew I had to say something before my brain became, my brain on clomid (PMS * 1,000).

So, I told her, that I thought that the bridal shower is an event for the girl, where as the rehearsal dinner is more for the boy. I told her, that I thought that the shower invitation should state that is in the honor of my sister and not in honor of my sister and her brother. I also told her, that it isn't because I am trying to slight her brother, but that I wanted to give my sister this party in her honor. Well, the sister-in-law from hell didn't like that.

She told me that I shouldn't have posted it, etc. (One of the other bridesmaids started a forum, very good idea, considering my in box was getting inundated by this event.) I told her, that I posted it to make sure that I wasn't out of line. No one disagreed with me, but no one agreed with her, either.

She went off. Basically accused me of taking over, doing everything I wanted, and that I should take care of it and tell her later what she owes. I told her, that I have not run EVERYTHING but all of the BRIDESMAIDS have been giving their input. That I had the emails to prove it, etc. And that she was blaming me for something that I have no control over - the Calligraphy etc.

But the damage was done, I am the bitch. But, the truth is that I was glad I said what I said. I was glad that stood my ground. Until today.

Today, my sister said, "I'm not picking sides. This isn't my problem."

Really, today, I wanted to say - I don't want to be your matron of honor. Ask you sister-in-law. Remember the wedding invitations and table cards, you can ask you sister-in-law to do them. And you know what, good for her. Because this job, is only giving me more stress. And if you don't remember, I have enough FUCKING stress in my life.

Instead, I finished ALL of the save the dates that I had. Instead, I went to two craft shops to find more save the dates. Instead, I came home and finished the save dates. And sent an email to my future brother-in-law asking for the additional information, considering I asked the same information from his sister, and she refused to respond. (Real grown-up.)

If only I didn't unconditionally love my sister, I would of told her to fuck herself. Instead, I am so pissed, that I am blogging about it. ERRR....I hate being the better sucks.


Unknown said...

Oh how incredibly frustrating! The thing that sucks about being the "better person" is that everyone else doesnt' even realize that you ARE being the better person. They go on their merry way being...well, you know...and they don't even KNOW that you are doing the bigger thing.

Hopefully they come around...but if they don't...Psh! Pooh on them. How's that for mature!


Baby Blues said...

That's so frustrating. You're doing them a favor and helping them out, but they still end up having to say something about you. With Clo.mid in our system, we have the right to vent. :-)

Nicole said...

Weddings seem to be an endless source of frustration. And being the better person, well, I think it is quite an overated idea. ;)

Samantha said...

I wouldn't want to have to go through wedding planning again to save my life, and it sounds like even though your not the bride, you taking the brunt of responsibility for her decisions from the sister-in-law. I congradulate you on being the better person, I don't know if I would be!

Susan said...

OMG if that happens to me I'm going to KILL SOMEONE

Aurelia said...

And now we see why people hate planning weddings...I salute you for putting up with a sister who won't pick sides, when she has made you into the one who has to do the confronting. Gahhhh....

You are a saint, a saint who walks on water....

Kir said...

I used to think (before IF) that weddings would kill me..and I can see that your sister's wedding might do you in as my own and my sister's almost did me. It's so frustrating to want to make a nice day for your sister and then have to deal with both families...your's and her new one. UGH.

You really are a saint, because I would have headed to the couch and told my sister to "BE a BIG GIRL" a long time ago.

hoping today this situation is a little better.