Must remember to breathe.

As with most things with this infertility crap, something is going wrong. As most of you know, the insurance has been approved. I received my first bill of at least six in the mail yesterday – and it was higher than expected. The insurance cards should be arriving soon, but the bill includes my insurance number. So, I should be good to go, right?

Well, we are also going into my busy few weeks. I work for a company with foreign subsidiaries. And two of the more demanding foreign subsidiaries – because of antiquated laws – require actual board meetings. Which in themselves aren’t bad but when you need to coordinate VERY busy people’s schedules, it makes your life miserable. So, in my latest attempt of being proactive, organized, and to keep my job; I called the REs office, because I will also need to coordinate monitoring with the VERY busy people’s schedules. Can we say crap!

Since, November – saying this may jinx everything but – I’ve had somewhat normal cycles. I’ve actually ovulated every cycle since October. So, I ovulated this cycle as well. And I expect my cycle to start early next week. (The only reason I can come up with is that the clomid kick started my ovaries or that the clomid is still in my system and stimulating the ovaries. I hardly believe this will be a continuous situation.) The cycles themselves are hardly "normal", but I am not complaining, anything less than 60 days is a minor miracle.

I called the REs office, I wanted to know when I will be monitored etc. Get this one – the IUIs were to be unmonitored. WHAT THE FUCK!!!! Excuse me? So, I kindly spoke to the nurse and made the following points in a – listen to me, I am not effing around kind of way.

1. I absolutely insist in a MONITORED cycle.
2. Because we have no idea what kind of ovulation I’m currently having. If it is producing a worthwhile mature follicle or how many.
3. I have a limited time on this secondary insurance and therefore a limited amount of procedures.

The response, the nurse thought I was demanding that she change it immediately to a monitored cycle. I told her, I am not unreasonable. I was making my point to find out the best way to proceed with the doctor to change her stance of monitored versus unmonitored. She said she would talk to the doctor on Monday and I should call back then.

Realizing that my blood pressure is through the rough right now and I also know that my doctor is a reasonable person and if she relays the information accurately – she will agree to monitored IUIs. But, at this exact moment, I feel if it isn’t one thing it is another.

Oh – and in completely unrelated infertility news – did I tell you I am my sister’s matron-of-honor. Currently planning my sister’s bridal shower with six other women. The task of getting more than one woman to agree on anything – well it is hurting my head. Than add to the mix – mind you I am writing up 154 save the date invitations in Calligraphy, outside envelopes for the save the dates, bridal shower invitations and wedding invitations – and her list of invitees sucks! I called her to provide me more information and she tells me that she doesn’t know and that I am on my own. Again, what the fuck?

So, I sent the list to the groom’s sister, begging for help. She sent me an email about how she and her mom were very disappointed in the list. I tell her, believe me, I understand and that I absolutely need this list to be perfect, because I will be referring to it for the next six months constantly! Totally want to get it right. So, now, I am meeting her and her mother on either Monday or Tuesday to do my sister's list.

Not to mention, I have another bridesmaid, who is our cousin, and she is all ready complaining about the financial obligations. Crap, the most we will need to contribute is $200 each– which includes the gift! And I doubt it will be that much. Why, because my parents are paying for the location and food – it is what they did for me and they want to do it for their other daughter.

Now, this is why it is bugging me so much – my sister and I were in my cousin’s sister’s wedding a few years back. The bridesmaids paid for EVERYTHING – cost about $600 a piece – there were six of us. And they spared no expense – they had it at that same place T and I got married – it was expensive for a shower. Her reasoning – just graduating don’t have job. Well, my sister was in high school and I had just graduated and was working for below minimum wage. Nope, did not have the money to spend. But I found it, and my parents paid for my sister. So, I am extremely tempted to say, “Suck it up. You shouldn’t of said yes. You knew the time frame, and you also knew that you would need to fork money up.”

The funniest part is that I was just talking to my sister’s future sister-in-law saying that these girls did not have any money to spend. That she and I were the most established in our lives. One is starting her own business. The other three are just graduating from college, in Vet school, and in Grad school. In other words, we must find a way to keep costs down.

All right, I think I’m done. If you actually read this bitch session, thank you. I feel better. Err…why can’t life go smoothly?