The First Side - The Sister's Point of View
The wedding was beautiful. The weather was perfect. It was on October 6th in Southern Massachusetts, and it was 85 degrees. Highly unusual. The sun was shiny, and the sky clear. Hardly a leaf on the ground.
The Bride was beautiful, the Groom handsome, the bridal party gorgeous, the parents proud, and the guests content. The ceremony beautifully worded and presided by the Groom’s uncle. The reception was picturesque; the toasts heartfelt; the band melodious; the flowers fragrant; the food delicious.
It was the perfect wedding. My sister’s dream.
The Second Side - The Infertile's Point of View
The Groom’s sister continuously complained about having to take time to prepare her daughter for the wedding. On the way to the church, she did it again. I started talking about the sports car I wanted to replace the baby I can’t have – my replacement baby. At one point, she nearly had a melt down, because she was being bugged by her nieces, nephew and daughter. You mean the kids came to you? I mean they don't know any of us? I don't know why they would come to you, maybe because you are their Aunt and Mom?
The Ceremony was heavily geared towards blessing Michele, Mike, and their future children. Every time the nice priest said the word children, I cringed. “What if?” PCOS is often hereditary. I wondered if that is what we did wrong. We weren’t blessed to have children. Our marriage was blessed. Maybe that is why my brother-in-law’s family has 8 nieces and nephews. We have none. We missed that requirement to having children. And the prayers of the faithful requested G-d to bless the Couple, the sick, the poor, the leaders, families, deceased, and for married couples. All good. When they said, "For all of our other intentions." I prayed for us dealing with infertility.
When someone heard T and I had been married for five years in November, I got asked if we had kids. I said, “No.” And thought to myself, we are infertile. As the night went on, I may have said it out loud. I did tell the cosmetologist who commented on my problem skin that I just started the pill after being on hormone treatments for infertility. I think I may have shocked her.
Oh yeah, I also came out of the infertile closet with my brother-in-law's brother and wife at the rehearsal dinner. Oh well, two glasses of wine and I don't care.
***
Overall, it was a great day. Beautiful in almost everyway. Yes, the infertile elephant followed, but I managed to avoided him 95% of the time. And I did I get my groove on ;).
As soon as my photos come in, I will share - I promise. My sister made a beautiful bride.
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14 comments:
I'm glad your sister's wedding was beautiful. This summer I too learned how miserable it can be to sit through/participate in a church wedding as a married infertile woman. Every blessing felt like a slap. I had not realized how much fertility talk, or even hinting, is in the ceremony.
It sounds like you handled it well.
I am so glad your sister had a beautiful day and made a beautiful bride.
The things you speak of happened to me at my cousin's and my sister's wedding, where I was left squeezing Mr Kir's and my brother's hands during the blessing, wondering if I would ever be a mom and maybe (because we didn't marry in a church) we didn't deserve the blessings , weren't going to get them. It was a sad , lonely place to be on such an otherwise happy occasion.
I think that being truthful with yourself and having those glasses of wine and not hiding the infertility are big steps and they helped me to get through those days, even though the hurt was so obvious.
*hug* can't wait to see the pics.
Some weddings really do go over the top with all of the children references. I'm grateful no one started hinting to us at our wedding.
I'm glad you did okay and it sounds like you provided some people with a little bit of education as well. I know it must have been hard - remember that your infertility is not because you did anything wrong.
Sounds like you were a very strong, brave and beautiful woman at the wedding--2 glasses of wine can do wonders=)
Im glad you had a good time overall--cant wait to see pics!
I am glad that your sister was a beautiful bride..as to be expected. I am also glad that your had 2 glasses of wine and shoke your groove thang ans kicked that elephant to the curb 99% of the time
Glad everything went well for the wedding... sorry the elephant had to go along! That darned elephant always manages to sneak into the room... you'd think something as big as an elephant would be noticed more and commented on, yet that elephant just causes silent suffering. I'm so sorry you had to deal with that on what should be a beautiful and joyous day!
Glad you got wine and to get your groove thing on!
I'm sorry there are stupid people.
Always interesting to hear both sides. Glad you had the opportunity to kick back and avoid the infertile elephant for the better part of the day...
I'm so glad the weddng went well. I know weddings can be so hard-I do coordinating on the side and put it on hold at the end of summer last year because it was getting to be so difficult to hear to be at them everyweekend when there were always multiple pregnant women and references to future children. I'm glad you could avoid the elephant for a good portion of the day!
Here's to getting our groove on -- with, or without the elephant watching.
Thank you for your kind, kind post Dianne.
I can't wait to see the photos!
Pam
I can't wait to see the photos...
Your post was great...honestly truly heartfelt.
THE INFERTILE ELEPHANT!!!
Totally love it. It follows around and makes us overly aware most of the time. Damn that elephant!
Glad the wedding was beautiful.
:)
Weddings are always hard for me too. I keep thinking about how it felt to look forward to the future and not know that it would be this hard down the road.
I'm slow in catching up here . . .glad your sister had a nice wedding. I have helped a friend who hosts weddings in her place of business. I feel like crying at least once every time - and these are strangers! I feel your pain.
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