Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Thank you

Again, I am very grateful to you all. Still a little bit scared, but I know it is illogical. Actually, (looking shamefully into the computer) I called the doctor's office and asked. Permanently uncorrectible vision is less than one percent and loss of complete vision is less than that. So, I must look at the positive and learn to trust.

And this whole battle within is ironically funny since I can see it being good for me in so many levels. Because this procedure has a potential to give me a little more confidence in my body. That it is possible for it to do something correctly. To help me learn to trust it again.

No matter how much I fear loss of control, I fear my body just as much. This procedure causes both of these neurosis to come up. Not to mention, that it requires me to trust a Doctor. Goodness, no wonder I am so freaked out. It isn't like I have the naivete of pre-RE. I can't say that I am as trusting as I once was when it comes to the medical community. Learned thru that experience, it is my responsibility to be the aggressive and knowlegeable patient.

This surgery is something that I should absolutely do. It is something that would be stupid for me not to do, especially if FEAR is the reason for not doing it (not to mention control or trust issues). Honestly, fear can be good, so can control, and skeptisism. But, irrational anything well is irrational. All of these feelings baffle me.

Granted, I've never been a risk taker, but I don't know if I've ever been this irrational about something. When I ONLY know of good out comes. When I know the chance is so small of something going wrong. When the good out weighs the bad.

Experience changes us and hopefully this experience will be so positive that it will be spring board to get rid of the irrational. For more positive change. Change, for the most part, I really like change. More on that later.


AwkwardMoments said...

I am glad that you are feeling a little better about this. And glad you like Change. THis is positive change

Anonymous said...

I will be praying for you tomorrow!

Susan said...

It will all work out! Change is good.

Steve1943 said...

I had cataracts in both eyes which offered the certainty of total blindness if I did not have surgery carrying a small risk of complications (infection).

In those circumstances I had the surgery with a light heart. Fortunately, on both occasions it went without a hitch.

The real cause of your fear is that you have a choice not to undergo this procedure and by so doing would avoid the (very small) risk of blindness.

Your motivation to take the risk is the very high probability of a favorable result which offers a lifetime convenience, financial economy and improved physical appearance.

Remember the old line "Guys don't make passes at Gals who wear glasses". Many a true word spoken in jest.

Life is one long risk which we eventually lose. Best to accept that and enjoy the game while it lasts.

So go for it.....

(PS I cheated by reading your post-op post!!)