Tuesday, June 13, 2006


Insensitivity has come into my view. I wish to address it. Now, I know that I am as guilty as the next person in saying things that come out wrong or that I really didn't mean the way they came out. But, some comments make me MAD.

I keep the anger bottled up and for the most part it passes. Today, someone made a comment that sent me through the roof. But, I bit my lip. It was during an email conversation that went like this....

I am really upset. I could CRY. The nurse just called me back to tell me that my progesterone was 23, which means that I ovulated in the last week because the blood work from early last week showed that I was at 2. My body is really out of whack considering I'm at cycle day 38 and the first blood test was done on cycle day 30.

I'm feeling really upset, I think that I'm PMSing.

The person replies, How do you know if your are PMSing.....obviously your hormones are all over the place. You blame being angry so many times on being premenstrual....but how can you be. Just admit that you are angry, disappointed, frustrated.

This is when I bit my lip.

My first response was like this:

I appreciate all you have done for me. You have been incredibly supportive, especially when you went on line to learn about the various things I would be going through for testing etc. However, progesterone is one of the hormones that causes PMS, the other one is estrogen. So, if my levels went up, I feel like I don't fit in my own skin, and that I could hit you right now, I'm guessing that I am experiencing PMS.

What I sent was:

I appreciate all you have done. Yes, I am angry.

My hormones are out of whack people. Half the time, I don't know what is going on with my body. For the most part I feel broken. Uncapable of doing what most female bodies do so naturally. But, I believe that I still have the right to say I am PMSing. Heck, I think that I have even more right than most! ERRRR......I am still angry.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I feel so honored and undeserving of how hard you are working to maintain our friendship at a time when it must be near impossible to do so. You are the least mean or selfish person I have ever met. I am so sorry to make you feel that way at all, especially on your birthday. You asked- what about you? When will it be your turn? If it were based on who had the kindest, most nurturing, most deserving soul, you would have had your turn long ago. I don't know just what to say, how to best talk about our temporarily different lives, and I am so sorry for anything I have done or may do that is hard for you. My heart is with you 100% through it all and I'll always love you.