Thursday, June 22, 2006

Let Go, Let God

A retreat phrase. I used it frequently, especially when the retreat participants would want to know what was coming up next, and I didn't want to spoil the fun.

It seems to be a good idea, and excellent way to live. To letting him guide me, every day. For me, I struggle with this idea of giving up total control. After all, I am lover of history. I know about the Crusades and it really didn't work for them.

Therefore, my conclusion that there must be a balance. I must do everything in my power and ultimately let God take care of it. Yes, this is more me.

What does that mean?

1. I go to the reproductive endocrinologist. (CHECK)
2. I undergo whatever is needed to be diagnosed. (IN PROCESS OF COMPLETION)
3. Consider all medical procedures that reproductive endocrinologist suggests and make an educated decision. (Waiting for diagnosis.)
4. Do everything in my power.

OK, this doesn't sound like I am Letting Go or Letting God. Let me explain the thought process.

I believe that God gives us opportunities, pathways to finding what we need to sustain us. In my case, what I need is to get pregnant and have a healthy baby. This is my goal. He knows me well enough to know that I am not doing this out of bad intentions and that I am pure of heart with this goal, therefore I think that he will open my eyes to the correct path.

He has made me aware of the reproductive endocrinologist and I should take full advantage of her knowledge that she has gained through God. (See, yes there is a connection there too, he has given her the power and the desire to learn these things and process the knowledge she has to aid women such as me.)

God has also allowed Medical Science to be. It holds the mystery of what nature has incorrectly done with in me. Therefore, undergoing testing, is also productive.

Once the diagnosis occurs, I must make the decision of procedures. Well, to be honest, I haven't really contemplated too much on how far I am willing to go. If the procedure only effects me, I am more than willing to do it. Anything, that means medication and surgery. I am willing to try the knowledge that God has given to the Medical World.

Ultimately, whatever happens, it will still be in God's hands.

If the IUI occurs, yes it provides a 31% chance, but it is not a guarantee. Neither does any other procedure. The baby will still be a miracle of God. So, I guess, I do live: Let Go and Let God.

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